words by eddie

Vacuming Faux grass and scaring small children

2007-02-06T14:47:00.001-06:00

For those of you who don't know I have been home a lot the last few months. So with things being slow in the traveling department I took on a job at Target to kill some time and make some extra bucks when I am not on the road. That is where this story begins.

So in this new Job (The above mentioned Target) I am put in contact with people I normally wouldn't get a chance to be around... Normal people, children, and normal people with children. These groups tend to stay away from me because one, I am unattractive even by strange people standards, two, I am scary to small children, and three, I don't really like children and don't have much to say to them. (They also are scary to me. I have this strange fear that they are looking for ways to crucify me and/or are at least thinking of ways they can grow up, take my job, (target/rock star), and leave me in a nursing home.

Side note: These fears may come from the fact that my Nephews did try to crucify me once while playing a game they called "soldier". This game has nothing to do with guns and war and normal boy stuff. Let's just say, I was Jesus... Strange... but that is a story for another time.

The point is this, I have been exposed to a lot of little kids lately. They don't normally bother me. I on the other hand scare the crap out them.

I have had many long stares. You know the ones with that, "what the crap is that" look in there eyes. The glassed over look they give a mall Santa or the Easter bunny.

I have also had them stop, stare, and then run after their parents like they had just seen a ghost, the boogieman, or McGruff the Crime Dog (ok, that last one might have just been my fear as a kid... another story for another time)

My Favorite, though, was the little girl who could barely speak (maybe because she was young. Maybe because she was full of terror).

She just kept saying, "Mom, is he a mean man? He is a mean man. Is he a mean man mom?" over and over again while her mother tried to frantically move her cart away from my ear shot while telling her young daughter to "shhhhhh".

These events in the normal world of Target have confirmed what I have thought for years and have given me some incites into them as well.

First, it was confirmed. Yes, I do scare small children.

Second, It as given me incite in to maybe why that is.

Here are the options I have come up with:

1) Kids, like dogs, can since that I am bad person.
2) Kids, like dogs, may be able to smell my fear of them.
3) Maybe in my Khaki pants and red shirt I look more like the devil then I thought.
4) I am as ugly as my father has told me I was all these years
5) I in some way resemble the boogieman.
6) Like vampires, the smell of onions/my B.O. causes small children to run away.

And last and the one I think is most likely

7) I resemble the villains ii most kids shows, books, and movies. Think about it... long hair, lazy eye, evil eye brows, Evil Soul Patch, not in good shape like nice people, smells of onions.

I am the classic villain.

No wonder kids want to pee their pants when they are in my area. I would pee myself if the bad man I saw on my TV was in my isle stocking valentines candy on the shelf.

After all, they do say, don't take candy from strangers... let alone evil villains.

Below is a pic of me beside some classic villains. What do you think? Do I fit in well or what?

P.S. Part of my Job this week was vacuming Faux Grass. That was odd.

Vacuming Faux grass and scaring small children

2007-02-06T14:47:00.000-06:00

STOP THE CYCLE... 20 years is enough!!!!

2007-01-22T15:45:00.000-06:00

I am not very political at all. Heck, I can barely keep up with all their names let alone what they believe in. I usually try and give them each nicknames to help keep them straight in my head. I give them names like Osama Bama lauden (the black guy from Kentucky), old rubber face (sen. from AZ John McCain), or wife swap (woman that claimed to be a feminist only to let her president husband bang a lot of chicks so she could run get her chance to do the same... what's her name?... Hillary something). There is also the Mexican guy that looks like the Indian that plays in all the movies (I’ll try and put a picture at the bottom), the white Kansas corn bread guy that I will call George the third, and the NY guy from the terrorist stuff...gulliani or something like that

Anyway, my point is. I don't really care that much about that kind of stuff. I voted for Bush twice because he was going to be the least annoying over a four-year span.

With all that being said. I want to ask all my friends to stop the cycle of bush clinton bush. This whole Bush Clinton thing has been going on for about 20 years and our country is worse for it. It is time to give some other smuck a chance to screw up the country. Do we really want to keep the same bad blood in the oval office for another 6 to 12 years? I think not!

So, I don't care who you vote for as long as it doesn't end with Clinton or Bush. Got It. If you can do that we can stay friends. If you can't... don't call me.

Here is the pics I said I would add:

Bill Richardson

I know it is not Christmas but this made me laugh.

2007-01-21T14:05:00.000-06:00

A friend found this on Youtube. It is a video someone put together using a song my band did for Christmas. Very Funny.

So your church organist called me gay...

2007-01-10T10:49:00.000-06:00

Let me start by saying that I have been accused of being gay at least three times in my life. I also realize this is a few more times than the average straight person gets called gay in a life time. Normally, if someone told me that they had been called gay that many times I would say to them, "Maybe you should think about the vibe you are putting off", or " maybe you should consider it as an option". However, let me explain how these three came off and why I am not consider it as an option.

First one was when I was in junior high. You have to picture me shorter, about the same weight, and still as ugly as a rotted out 2x4. You also have to know that I have always thought some what highly of myself even as a fat, ugly, guy (I was born with self-esteem. I can't help it). This being said and me being on the cool side of the band nerd spectrum (I played Saxophone) I attracted the weird, the strange, and the ugly. It was as if they new I should be in there league. I how ever never caught on to that fact. They flocked to me like bugs to a light... a very chubby ugly light.

Anyway, some ugly chicks don't like to be turned down by guys that shouldn't be so picky. I turns out when you do turn them down they justify it by telling everyone in school that you are gay. Luckily for me junior high kids don't trust ugly band chicks.

Number two hit a little more close to home. Actually it hit in my home. As usual it came from my dad. You know, the guy that told me I needed a bra, accused me of being on Drugs, and then had me blood tested for it. Yup, that guy.

Now normally if my dad called me gay I wouldn't think anything of it. His humor is much like mine and usually involves calling people names not thinking about if it hurts their feelings or not. It is good thing he had all boys.

This time, however, was a little different. He had know idea I was around. He and my mom were fighting in their room and I overheard him telling my mom that she made me gay. Now, don't be too hard on my dad, I was a high school junior that hadn't had a girl friend and had no prospect of ever getting one. However, what my dad didn't take into consideration was the fact that I wasn’t attractive or popular. Girls just didn't want to go out with me(that was unless they were super ugly and or were lower on the food chain than I was, and I was not going down that road.). So that was time number two. I'll spare you any more details than that.

Now, for the big one, number three. This is the one that involved the before mentioned Organist at the church I went to visit this last week. (Yes I am finally visiting churches again... if anyone knows of one in OK city that the organist will not consider me gay let me know... on second thought, maybe no organist at all.)

Ok, so in college my Friend Greg and I (we were close friends, not broke back mountain close, but close none the less.)we signed up to work at a church camp. I should mention it was a Baptist church camp and that it was well known that I was not Baptist. The camp director even made a point to let everyone know at the first meeting that I wasn't Baptist but that he was assured that I would not try and teach the kids how to speak in Tongues of fire and that I had good baptist folk in my blood line (I added the fire part for dramatic effect but the rest is pretty much a quote). Anyway, about a few weeks in to camp, before the kids even showed up, me and my friend Greg were doing our normal goofing off and having fun while we worked thing when we were called into the head directors office where he told us that the way were acting street wise kids would think we were funny (just so you are clear. He did not mean funny ha ha). He also questioned if we were Christians at all. By weeks end Greg had left the camp. I stuck around to do the Christian thing and cause trouble. I was only allowed to sell candy, not to teach kids or whatever else needed to be done. I wasn't allowed to be in a lot of contact with the baptist children. I still became a camp favorite at the camp by giving away free candy. The End...

Wait, I thought it was the end until I showed up at this church a block from my house and there he was. He was playing the organ and staring at me with his fake head of hair and his beady rat eyes. I think he was trying to place me.

Did I mention I was part of getting him removed from his position as camp director? Yup, that was me, the gay man causing trouble for the Baptists... (Just to clarify. I am not gay and have never had sex with a man to my knowledge...not that there is anything wrong with that.)

I will not be going back to that church... THE END

What made the two towers fall.

2006-11-28T15:17:00.000-06:00

I was looking for things on NYC I came across this. It is very good and makes some good points. If you have some time to blow watch it and let me know what you think.

NYC HERE I COME and some stuff like that...

2006-11-26T22:29:00.000-06:00

I am leaving for NYC this week. I am kind of excited. It is kind of like going home for me. I know that sounds strange since I have only been there once and spent only a few hours actually in the city, so Let me explain.

I travel a lot, as most of you who read this know. This means I live a life of hotels, not knowing where I am at or where I am going, and meeting strange people all the time. I live out of a suitcase and am always on the move.

Now, I have been at my real home for a few weeks now (two whole weekends in a row) and I have realized that I am starting to feel very off. It is strange to be home. I feel bored, restless, and anxious. I think I have been in one place for too long... Is that possible? Is it possible I could really feel more comfortable away from my house than I do at it?

Don't get me wrong. I love being able to see my wife and my dog, well my wife at least. The dog is a pain in my A**. He bites me, humps me, and barks at out fence like it is made of arabs (that was a little off color. Maybe I should go on David Letterman and say I am sorry while I am in NYC).

Where was I... Oh yes.

It is just that I am so used to being around strange things and strange people ( I am not talking about arabs this time so back off) I eat in gas stations and sleep in a different bed every night. Being home and not on the move feels wrong to me, very wrong.

So, what I think I am trying to say, bad racial jokes a side, is that it will be nice to be on the move again. To see something new. Something that doesn't have the "okie stench" to it.

On this trip I will have the pleasure of sharing a bed with a girl (yes my wife). Sleeping with guys is not that great. We smell,We hog the bed, and it is impossible to cuddle up for warmth with something that has hair on it's back. Not sure what gay guys get out of it...

okay, so I got off track a little there. It has been a while since I blogged. I will try and keep it better updated after I get back from the big apple.

good night and good luck. I will spell check this later... not that I will do a good job of that when I do it.

EDd

The lips!!!!

2006-09-17T01:14:00.000-05:00

Went to see the flaming lips in OKC this Friday. My back was hurt, I was on some serious pain meds, I had a great time!!!!

Here is a video and some pics of the UFO landing in Oklahoma City. We were about half way back in the venue. There were just as many people behind us as in front of us. Large crowd, great show, a lot of fun!

Me, Mrs E, and our two good friends Greg and Ash with our light up whistles from the lips...oh, and a light up shot glass a couple of hookers were handing out.

where does grace end, oh, and snakes on a plane!

2006-08-20T22:42:00.000-05:00

So, let's get the jesus stuff out of the way first. Thanks to my lovely wife and her need to study everything and be a smart person, Some of my God issues... (the stuff that I try to avoid because me and God aren't getting along so well at the momement, and this will probably only make it worse... questioning his bible people never seems to help bring us closer)

Anyway, we have been talking a lot about, and I have been thinking a lot about (I try not to think to much about this stuff anymore as well. It hurts my head and makes my child like faith get older and more angst filled... I think my faith is about 15 now and is starting to listen to Nirvana)

Sorry, getting back to my point/question.

Where does Grace end??? Where does Christ sacrifice stop?

If you say it doesn't then please explain...

OKAY, Now to more important issues:

SNAKES ON A PLANE!

I saw this with my Friend this weekend. It was a great time. You have to love a movie where people are yelling and cheering and getting into it. It was great fun. I would definitely sit though it three more times before going to see "the two towers", I mean "911", or whatever that movie is called about the buildings and the guys surviving and that whole bit.

Here is another good question for you:

If you had to watch one movie over and over for the rest of your life and your choices came down to "the passion of Christ" or "snakes on a plane" which would you choose?

I know what my choice would be, and no it would not have slow motion falling or midget babies. It would, however, have a naked girl getting her boob bit off by a snake and a cursing angry black man being the way God created him to be!

p.s. the video is a song of the snakes on the plane album. It is a pretty good song. check it out.

THE END

Jim and George, father and son? you decide.

2006-08-04T13:30:00.000-05:00

Strange.

A Jew hating drunk, defining a metrodike, and I am scared of McDonald's Fries...

2006-08-01T15:18:00.000-05:00

OK, so we have all heard by now that Mel "Passion of the Jew hating Christ" Gibson got picked up for Drinking and driving recently. Apparently when he gets drunk he starts talking smack about Jewish people (we've all been there).All I have to say is, I would love to be around this guy at a party... Especially a party with a lot of drunk Jewish guys, what are those called, a bar mitzvah. I am guessing a revisiting of the "the passion of the Christ" would take place instead of the customary reading of the Torah, this time staring Mel Gibson... I am also guessing it would be more entertaining then Mel Gibson's version ... Although, with out The midget baby half fun is gone from the Show.

Anyway, I'll still go see his next movie. I hear it is called "Weekend at Christ's 2"

Speaking of Crazy people. Me and my friend Brian came up with a great new word that I want you all to start spreading around, especially you hip cats in LA, you are the trend setters of the world you know (Although we are luckily that the whole no AC thing didn't catch on).

Anyway, the word is "Metrodike". Its definition is simple. It is a Woman that becomes such a feminist that she starts to look like a gay woman. Think about it, you know one. We all do. The short hair, no make up, angry feminists that hate men, but not enough to make out with a woman. These are Metrodikes... Pass it on.

Speaking of things that scare me, I just watched Super Size me. WOW. This movie was very eye opening for a guy that eats Mc Donald's at least 4 times a month an gets NO Exercise. My liver must look really gross... Anyway, here is my point, In the special features there was this thing were he ( he being the guy with the fine Mexican mustache) put different Mc Donald's items in jars to see how they would break down over time. burgers molded, chicken sandwich liquefied, Fries... Nothing. They did nothing. Look the same after ten weeks! What are they made of that will not rot? I am not sure I want to know.

speaking of not wanting to know. I am done.

A Special Day for Edtardo

2006-07-31T10:11:00.000-05:00

I had a Great Birthday. Turning 30 couldn't have gone better for me (except for small children throwing rocks and calling me "old, old, oldy").

To start the day off I got a good present from Christie. She took the day off to spend with me.

After we got out of bed we got showered and headed to Ted's for some good ole' Mexican food. Next on the agenda, after killing some time buying a CD at best buy, was going to see "Lady In The Water". It was a great movie. I think it is my favorite movie by M. Knight Shamalyanamaharamatiadoaha, or however you say his name. He should really think about going by MKS.

After the movie we headed up to the mail place, where we get our mail to pick up the rest of my presents from Christie, she got free shipping and they came in on my B-day... (I got the village, another one of my favorites, the Dixie Chicks new CD, and a book about the Flaming Lips)

We then came home went for a Short relaxing swim in the pool and got ready to go eat with the family.

Eating with my parents is always great because they pay for everything. We went to Red Robyn and had some great burgers and fries. I got sang to by the crew and got a Creepy singing "cake" from my Aunt. I also got the normal "Over the hill" balloons and such and random people walking by the table telling me turning thirty wasn't that bad (I am pretty sure if random strangers feel the need to console you it must be a bad... or maybe I just looked bad) It was a good time!

After the family stuff we went back to the house hung out and I had a glass of my favorite coffee beverage that mixes well with Milk and Ice.

It was a good day!

Saturday was good as well. I had my "3 year old birthday party" where I got to see a lot of my great friends and got some toys. Me and Christie went home after the party and played with all toys like we were kids. It was fun. After that we ate some more, rented a movie, and drank some more coffee beverage with milk.

Below is a pick of all my presents and the Birthday shrine I made. I had a great weekend. I am blessed with a lot of great friends who were willing to buy me kids toys and who also allow me to eat a Cici's pizza every year for my B-day! That and a wife that puts up with me being a little crazy... or maybe a whole lot crazy.

That is all I have:

Here is the pic and a list of the great and creative gifts I got for my B-day.

Gift List:

3 Balloons
Playdough bucket
Big Koosh ball
Dixie Chicks CD
Red Hot Chili Pepper CD
Muse CD/DVD
"I never have been to NY" T-shirt
Creepy Birthday Cake
The village DVD
Flaming Lips book
a Kazoo
mini dico ball
Two tickets to the Inceribles on Ice
a kids sports set
Moah's ark noise toy
Paddle and ball set
$100 dollar check
coffee beverage
Spinning dic shooting toy
one great b-day!

SEE YA!

turning 30 makes me feel so pretty.

2006-07-24T10:39:00.000-05:00

So, I am turning 30 this week. Everyone tells me I am suppose to be depressed. The last great years of my life are behind me, blah blah blah...

I've never been one to worry about age, or anything else for that matter. I really try and live my life in the great words of the poet and artist known only as Doris Day. You know, ca sara sara... whatever shall be shall be... the futures not ours to see... ca sara sara... everybody!!!! (Note: not sure that is how you spell that if or that is even the right lyrics, oh well, ca sara sara.)

Anyway, turning 30 isn't so bad: Check out all these actors and singers, and such that are in there 30's

Jennifer Lopez turned 36 today

Fergie from the black eyed peas is 35

billie Joe from Green Day turns 30 this year, as does Amy Lee of evanesence.

Heidi Klum is 33 this month

50 cent is 30 as of last month

Vin Deisal and Will ferrell are both 39 this month

Amanda Peet is 34 this year

Freddie Prinze Jr is 30 this year

jennifer anniston is 37

So, with that said, I have being in my 30's in common with these people... I do not however have in common with them money, success or being attractive in anyway. Well, at least I have... what do I have?.... hmmm... not sure... I have a great wife, but that doesn't help. Most of these people have had a few great spouses... I have my trusty dog Blu... who would probably kill me for a dog treat... OK well maybe I should be depressed about turning 30... I am going to cry now, and drink my fiber for the day...

C YA

Q&A: jews, arabs, and other angry people with bombs

2006-07-17T20:29:00.000-05:00

My lovely wife christies blog asked this question "do opposites attract?". Below is my ansewer... I have nothing more interesting to say. Go check out her blog: www.justsettlingin.blogspot.com

I think opposites should attract. It is God's way of balancing out the flow of the universe. It is the "fung-sway" of the universe. when to alike people collide it always leads to something bad...

Take for example Jews and Muslims. Same daddy, different mommy, very angry... They are basically twins, minus the dark skin on one side and the rim glasses on the other, they are not a good pair and should agree to live apart. I say we give the Jews texas and call it a day. What could possibly be so good about the gaza strip anyway... new plan. Let's just blow up all the crap they are fighting over. That is what my mom would have done. Take away what we "kids" were fighting over. Then we both got screwed...

It worked for me. I am a well balanced, God fearing, apple pie eating, flag waving, american!!!

God bless america...

Cornerstone: Quanitiy ofver Quality

2006-07-12T14:37:00.000-05:00

I went on a trip with My band out to the Cornerstone festival this week. It was a very sandy. It was not at all what I expected and may be one of the worst run festivals I have ever been apart of. Anyway, there was way too much screamo and hardcore for my taste and I the generator stages are just a waste of everyone's time. It was very strange. Any band with a generator and an amp could set up by the road and bang out the songs of there choice, mostly harcore and metal. Not worth the money people spend to get into these things...

Anyway, That was the first part of my week. The second part was much better. I got to hang with some good friends in MI and make trouble. We jumped waves in one of the great lakes, went to a haunted cemetery, and ate a lot of Junk. it was great times!!!

Here are some videos and picture highlights:

Three stages here 2 big tents are stages and this one in front with the generator and peavy speakers. These were every where.

porta-pooper where everyone hung there posters for shows

The beach in MI

story of my life

fun in MI

Starflyer 59 at cornerstone

------------------------------------

p.s. here some good bands I caught that you should check out

Edison Glass
Starflyer 59 (above)
The Lonely Hearts
Demon Hunter (for the metal heads)
Copeland
love drug
ester drang
Me without you

PEACE

the 4th of July!!!!

2006-07-04T10:49:00.000-05:00

Losing your soul. The new diet plan from weight watchers.

2006-06-12T17:53:00.000-05:00

So, I went to church twice this Sunday down in good Ole' Texas.

Anyone who knows me knows that the above statement was shocking in Both the fact that I said that Texas was good (that part was sarcasm), and that I went to church in One day about as many times as I do in a normal Month... All I can say is Ouch, spending that much time in two places I would rather not be in most of the time is rough.

Don't get me wrong, I love Jesus as much as the next guy. I just wish I didn't have to love his people as much as he does. Most of them really bug me...A LOT!

OK, with that said, I did go to church twice and it wasn't all that bad. The first service was pretty good. It was your normal College church vibe. Artsy youngsters praising God with acoustic guitars and talking about things that young people, women, and people with feelings think about... Loneliness.

(SIDE BAR RAMBLE ALERT: Now, seeing as I get accused of not having a soul more than I like to admit, I should probably pretend to have this emotion to convince you other wise. However, although I am lacking a certain 6 ounces that everyone else seems to have, I can't pretend to be something I am not. I have no emotion. I don't feel a whole lot of anything most of the time. I stay mostly happy, content, and not concerned with whether people care about me or like me, or think I am cool. I blame this on Nirvana...They taught me apathy.)

Anyway, that service wasn't too bad. It reminded me of another church I used to go to (for 2 YEARS) were I never met anyone on more than a "welcome to church" level.

Our Next stop, after a good calzone, was a church that was trying to reach the jaded Christians by doing the same thing everyone else does to reach them. Entertain them, give them pizza, and hit them with the same message you hit everyone else with. If ever there was a service that should be aimed at me it should be the church for the Jaded, soul-less, losers club.

Well I don't like watching my own band play worship, I don't like messages that tell me the truth about the Trinity, and I don't like Mavs basketball...Try again. Still Jaded.

I met some nice people at that service though... I guess it wasn't a total loss for me.

I think that is all I have to say about that.

PEACE

Dani Califonia video. You must love it!

2006-06-06T14:34:00.000-05:00

If you love music you must love this video.

Dead Guy

2006-05-18T14:01:00.000-05:00

I saw a dead man the other day. He was lying under a bridge and the Oklahoma CSI were out looking over the scene. I am guessing he wasn't murdered because by time I returned ( 2 hours max) he was gone and so was the CSI team.

Two thoughts on this:

1) Seeing a dead person away from a Hospital is always creepy, not that I do this that often. It makes you think things like, "Who was this guy?", "Does anyone even care that he's dead?", that kind of thing. I didn't see anything on the news about it. I am guessing he was homeless and died of one of those strange "Homeless disease" things like, an overdose, or starvation, something unpreventable like that... Maybe he just died of old age... The big question is how many people walked by him and didn't even care enough to stop and tell someone he was dead. More than we would like to know, I am sure.

He wasn't far from what the "Homeless guys" I drive around call "The Crack Fields"(this is a place you can get drugs. It is perfectly placed right off Hwy 40 for the truckers to make a stop, grab some Sonic, a bag of Crack, and then be off on their way.

The longer I am around Homeless people the more I question whether we need places like the Jesus House or the City Mission. I wonder if it doesn't just make it easier for them to be crack addicts and drunks. I know those places make a difference, but is it a good one is the question I would like to know.

They (the Homeless guys I take to work) all talk a big game, even to me, someone that they know isn't going to give them a dime. They say " I want to get my stuff together and find my way out" or "I am just down on my luck. I will get a better job and get on my feet". Then as soon as they get some money it is off to the Liquor store or the "crack fields" with a stop at McDonald's for Nourishment. It makes me sad... I think the government has made it hard for people that get DUI's, go to jail, or just get tickets and can't pay them to get back on their feet and get a jobs. I think we have made it to easy to ignore these people and let them be where they are. However, people always say, don't complain unless you have a solution, so I won't complain. Maybe that's why none of us complain. Maybe that's why we just walk on by give them a couple bucks and call it a day. We don't know what else to do.

It all just makes me sad that these people that I personally know are good people in bad situations are going to die on the streets with no one even caring.

2) CSI Oklahoma would make a boring show! On next weeks CSI OKC " look a dead guy under a bridge... Johnson, clean it up and let's go. This place smells of beer and cat piss"

song quotes I like...

2006-04-05T10:29:00.000-05:00

A few song quotes I like...
Oh, it takes two to tango, but it only takes one to let go... The Wallflowers (from their album Breach)

What do I do when I relate to Judas more than you?... Poor Old Lu (from their album A picture of the Eighth Wonder)

I get a sugar rush / thinking of you to much... Joy Electric (from thier album Robot Rock)

More to come...

what are some of your favorite quotes for songs????????????

The Real ID Act - The mark of the beast or just a serious violation of our rights?

2006-03-09T12:45:00.000-06:00

OK, just for the record, I am not one of these crazy "End Times" nuts that thinks the world is coming to an end. I do not believe we are living in the "last days", That the Anti-Christ is lurking around the corner (although, if he is, He is probably the new Pope or Oprah... Yes I said HE is Oprah. Don't be fooled by the dress! Sorry, back to my point...), or that a one world government is going take away our freedom and make Christians run for the hills.

(Actually if what we have been told as kids is correct the last times started sometime in the late 1800's and have been keeping kids in line until this very day. Now, that is some long days folks)

With all that said, I do believe that George, will call him "W", does believe that we are living in the end times. I also feel he has invested a lot of time during his Ministry *cough* I mean, presidency to pushing it along...

This leaves me with this thing I came across today. The Real ID Act - look it up. Google it. Also you can check out the words National ID - and if you want the "Christian version" go to www.nonationalid.com

While I am pretty sure this whole "ID Thing" isn't the beginning of the end, I am very sure that it is a huge violation of our American rights and a step toward more government control of our personal lives... This could really push me to vote for the democrats in 2008, OR, and this is a big or, I could just vote for all the "nut-job, weed smoking" Independents... That would show those "republi-punks".

OK that is all I have. Have fun looking it up and let me know what you think. Even if you are a "crazy end Times Holy Ghost warrior"!!!!!

Anyone else remember, as a kid, plotting out where you would go and hide and how you would live when Christians started getting hunted down like pigs. I do, I always found some cave, like they would never search there, and grew crops and stuff. To bad a hate veggies and that I would rather get my head chopped off then live as a vegetarian!

I'll leave you with the words of a great "Christian Metal" song. I can't remember who wrote it, but it goes like this:

*in early nighties growl voice* I want my head chopped off - Then my body will rot - Then I'll reign with Christ - and then you'll Fry!!!!!!

That's a real song people... I'M DONE!

Yanni Arrested in Alleged Domestic Dispute

2006-03-07T16:31:00.000-06:00

Below is story about Yanni that I find shocking! Not because he might have attacked his girlfriend. No it is easy to believe an entertainer would do something stupid and attack a loved one. It happens all the time... What shocks me is that this story involves a girl. You mean Yanni isn't Gay! What is this world coming to when you can't count on your piano players and Ice skater to be gay. I am just in shock!

Yanni Arrested in Alleged Domestic Dispute

Yanni asked his girlfriend, Silvia Barthes, to leave his beachfront home in Manalapan on Thursday night, the police report said. Barthes, 33, told police she attempted to pack her clothing but the 51-year-old musician threw it on the ground.

She told officers he then grabbed her arms and shook her, throwing her on the bed, and jumped on top of her, according to the report.

A brokeback movie Men can enjoy...Maybe

2006-02-22T11:58:00.000-06:00

Here is a link to the movie Brokeback mountain should have been. Minus the Sheep, Cowboys, Men having annal sex, and so on...

Check it out. It's just "Gay" enough to be good...maybe.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/fox_searchlight/imaginemeandyou/

Marriage Jokes

2006-02-08T09:49:00.000-06:00

Here are a few Marriage Jokes I have heard or made up... I thought they were funny. Let me know if you have any

marriage is like death. Depending on the choices you make before hand it can be Heaven or Hell for you... I never was good with choices.

Marriage is a lot like prison...Well, except in prison you get conjugal visits.

People say marriage is "taking the plunge". I definitely would have to agree. It is a lot like jumping off a cliff. Think about it, there's the joy of the free fall and the excitement of what's ahead, then about midway in you start thinking what is that down there, then splat it hits you and your life is over.

Marriage is a lot like fishing. You go into it thinking you are going to get some, but all you end up doing is sitting around by yourself playing with your worm...

bah dum bum ching!!!!

P.S. yes, I still love my wife and think she is great. Sometimes a joke is just a joke.

Brokeback mountain: Gay porn or the best movie about gay sheep herders ever made.

2006-02-02T11:50:00.000-06:00

OK, Let's go over the plot of the most over hyped movie since "Passion of the guy that looks similar to that Jesus Guy".

Two Gay sheep herding Cowboys meet by chance at a place called "brokeback mountain" and, after getting drunk, fall in love and have man love...

This of course leaves me with the question... With all of these sheep around why would you get drunk and take a trip to ole "Charlie's chocolate factory".

Now, I've never been drunk, or a cowboy for that matter, but I am guessing that my first thought wouldn't be "boy those chaps sure are looking good on ya bob. Want to do something crazy..."

Now, unlike the "passion of Bernie", I haven't seen "Brokeback Cowboy"... why you ask?....Let's just say I have learned my lesson about over hyped movies, ok, that and I have no desire to seei two grown guys go at it dressed like cowboys when they are actually sheep herders. (side bar: are sheep herders the Ice skaters of the cowboy world?)

If I was going to take the time to watch the next great Gay sheep herder epic... It would have to star some hot lady on lady sheep herder girl action.

Let's face it. Men like their "gay porn movies" like they like everything else, with hot chicks a plenty!

With all this said: I do not endorse Gay porn, porn of any kind, girl on girl action,or people getting drunk, falling in love and doing anything fun (for that matter take Pauls advice and stay away from love all together) ... All these things will mess you up!

OK, I am done...

Blogger spam, oh how I love it...

2006-01-25T08:31:00.000-06:00

I am not sure if it is only me but I am getting a ton of "blogger spam" on this thing. These freak-o people always leave comments like:

"I love your blog, you should check out mine"

or

" Your blog is very cool - do you want to buy some porn"

I wish they would just come out and say it like:

"Hey, I get paid to leave these here even though you and the people that come read this don't check it out" "I am not sure of your name, I just randomly came across you on a search for the pope's instant messenger address" "that punk still owes me ten bucks." "I know he's dead, but I think someone should have to pay up. "Anyway, I thought I would bug you and maybe get some cash out of you and your friends instead."

Heck (nice guy for "H" "E" double hockey sticks), I would settle for them just saying, "hey guys, want to buy some cheap crap and look at naked sluts?... Then head over to this site and get your fill"

That way I don't get my hopes up that people might actually read this thing and comment every once in a while.

I am pretty sure the only one that truly read this thing was Pope "JP the triple I", may he rest in peace. The new pope, "old vampire eyes", is not so amused by it, i am sure.

Anyway, Check the comments on this one and see how many spam emails get left. If you are a true friend go to thier blog and leave a comment, something to do with the Pope... They will like that.

OUTY FI

eddie

justice vs. grace.... which is your God!!!

2006-01-12T12:42:00.000-06:00

Justice and grace can not coexsist together... So I ask, is God a just god?

on a side note. eating a chili's makes me a happy boy!!!

freezing in florida

2006-01-07T12:00:00.000-06:00

I am in Florida and it's cold. Not just "oh wear a jacket" cold, It is frosting the ground cold. This the first time in a year or so, at least this is what I am told, that has been this cold in Florida.

Now, this by its self kind of sucks... However, to rub salt in my sore, I had conversation with my wife back in oklahoma. Keep in mind that it is suppose to be about 15 degrees there around this time of year... It is 70!!!

What is all blue blazes is going on in this fair land of ours?

Is this the end times? If so, why am I geting the bad end of the weather stick? Is this an omen? God saying, "hey here's a few nice cool days for you before you burn in the eternal fires of hell forever.

Yikes.

Anyway, my "lady friend"/wife has a cool new blog that is much cooler and has beter grammer and spelling than mine ever will.

Check it out at: www.justsettlingin/blogspot.com

oklahoma christian values...what a crock of crap!!!!

2005-12-22T10:41:00.000-06:00

Below is an article that will make you sick. If it doesn't make you sick than you are no longer my friend... P.S. I am sad to call myself an Oklahoman, and a christian!

The Oklahoman

Since a state agency began renovating a southwest Oklahoma City house into a group home for unwed mothers, a movement neighbors say is akin to a riot has erupted in opposition.
Anna Looper prays that the five foster children in a Department of Human Services group home she supervises will live out their time in state custody at a home safe enough for them to stroll down the street with their babies. Paula Caves and at least 90 of her neighbors don’t want that home in the Prairie Queen neighborhood in southwest Oklahoma City. Caves says she’s afraid the girls’ boyfriends will graffiti her home; her property value will go down; her cul de sac will see increased traffic; and the moral Christian values of the neighborhood she loves will be disturbed, if not wrecked.

About 90 area residents rallied against the home Tuesday night at the Central Hillcrest Baptist Church.

DHS staffers, including Looper, spoke at Tuesday’s meeting, hoping to squelch fears.

“This home is perfect; it’s perfect,” said Paula Hearn, DHS director of support services.

DHS started the Pauline E. Mayer Group Home in 1982. It now operates in the corner of a medical building near SW 13 and Lottie Avenue, an area Looper says is unsafe.

DHS supervises the group home 24-hours a day. Girls in the home work and go to school. They’re counseled to help them be better mothers. All were taken from their parents and placed in state custody after they were abused or neglected.

The girls are not criminals, drug users, delinquents or vandals, Looper said. They’re just foster children with children of their own, she said.

After a six-month search, DHS settled on the house next to the Caves residence. Looper thought her prayers were answered until she explained the program to area residents and was met with antagonism.

Some neighbors voiced concern about the mothers who will live in the home, and the people they will attract to the neighborhood.

“What is the nationality of these girls?” asked Debbie Wiginton.

“And where are you wanting these kids to go play? In our parks and our neighborhoods?” she asked later.

Many said while they support the type of services DHS provides, they don’t want a group home in their middle-class neighborhood.

Caves said she was told by real estate agents that her property value could decline as much as 40 percent if the home opens next door to her.

Karen Jackson, owner of Marathon Realty in southwest Oklahoma City, told The Oklahoman that group homes sometimes lower neighborhood property values. But until the home is up and running, it’s hard to speculate, she said.

During the meeting, Hearn said property values are up in a neighborhood with a DHS home at NW 16 and Marion Avenue.

“Then buy another property at 16th and Marion,” a neighbor shouted from the back of the room.

Neighbors also are angered by the secretive way the state agency bought the house and started renovations.

No one was alerted — at least not until Caves and her husband, Jimmy, saw a DHS truck in the driveway next door in the week of Dec. 4 and started asking questions.

DHS was trying to protect the identity and integrity of the girls in its home by keeping the project secret, Looper said.

Brenda Anshutz, president of the Prairie Queen Neighborhood Association, said while DHS may not have been legally required to alert neighbors, it would have been “the right thing to do.”

But she would still vehemently oppose the home even if she had been told about it sooner, she said. Zoning hurdle
Oklahoma City’s zoning division decided Monday that DHS will need a special zoning permit to declare the house a “residential facility for dependent and neglected children.” The area is zoned for single-family residential homes.

DHS needs city approval to get the permit, which could take three months, Planning Director John Dugan said.

As of Wednesday evening, DHS had not applied for the special permit, Dugan said. DHS could file a lawsuit to appeal the city’s decision to require the permit, he said.

Neighbors said they will fight the DHS through the public review process.

But Looper is hopeful.

“These teens, they don’t have any kind of chaotic lifestyle, except that they have babies,” she said in the neighborhood meeting.

“I know that the minute you meet our children and our babies you’re going to fall in love,” she said.

“But I know that hasn’t happened yet.”

Christians going to hell for stupid reasons club...want to join?

2005-12-09T22:49:00.000-06:00

Oh Boy. Do self-rightous Christians suck or what?

I got a letter today from someone that I had offened on many occasions. So badly so that this person accussed me of

1) having no remorse for my "sinful" ways.

2) Saying that the bible doesn't say to help orphans.(even though I have never said one word to this lady)

3) of not being someone that could minister to people.

Those are just a few of the things...

All of this apparently because I...

1) am attached to someone that might have said something rude to her. Keep in mind this happened at least 6yrs ago.

2) I visited a church of someone she new and apparently (the church allows art to be created during the service) made a peice of art that offended her friend. Keep in mind this also happened over a year ago and that I didn't actually make any offensive art.

So, anyway, With that being said... I guess I am now in the "Christians going to hell for stupid reasons club" want to join? All you have to do is piss of some old christian farts by being a normal person and not having a Bible stuck up your....umm....Tooshy all the time.

If you want to join my little club let me know. We are going to meet on the Sixth day of the week at a starbucks or a wal-mart... I figure 6 is the number of the devil and if Starbucks and Wal-Mart aren't part of "The dark lord's" team I am not sure were to start looking.

in all seriousness. Maybe I should start my own gathering of Christian people. It may be the only way I am going to find people that won't suck the life out of Christianity for me...

On second thought, that group would probably turn on me too.

What's the use!!!

sacrfice or gift...who gives a hell!

2005-11-18T11:55:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about Grace, in the biblical sense that is. I have always had this conflict about where Grace ends and if it ends at all..I am planning to do some research on this but for now I will leave you with my questions and let you think them out as well.

I feel like everyone has a limit on Christ's sacrifice. On one extreme is that you have to repent for every sin along the way, or total self control of your chances of burning in the eternal hell fires. EXAMPLE: If you curse with your last breath you go to Hell. One the other extreme people believe that once you "except Christ into your life", whatever that means, then you are forever forgiven... (as a side note: they really don't believe that because if you fall back into sin they say you were either not saved to begin with or you are a back slider)

My point is this, everyone draws a line to grace some where. It all kind of depends on us. "we can reject god's gift of salvation", as I have heard it said.

My questions are:

Where do you draw the line to god's Grace? (rape, murder, apathy, being fat, black, jew, muslim, gay, redneck, the list could go on)
and

What if Christ's death wasn't a gift. What if it was a sacrifice? Something that can't be reject by us. (For example: If someone jumped in front of a bullet for us we couldn't then say. "Hey I don't want that") What if our goal in life is not to figure out if we are going to heaven or Hell but to decide whether we are going to be grateful for what we have been given or if we are going to live like Christ didn't jump in front of that bullet for us! If that's true then what do we do then?

My thought on this are fairly confused at the moment, as I said I have some research to do. I tend to feel like there has to be some kind of choice on our part. However, I don't think Christ's intent was for us to focus on hell either. I have always tried to live my life grateful to God for creating life and for giving of himself in sacrifice, thus ridding us from fear of hell. I have always tried to live as if there were was no hell, because as a Christian there isn't. However, what if there is not a hell for anyone? Does it really effect the way I live? It shouldn't. Who knows?

What are your thoughts? Sorry to get so heavy.

PEACE EDd

On second thought... Let's all steal from Wal-Mart or Wal-Mart destroying one country at a time

2005-10-07T11:07:00.000-05:00

I saw this on TV the other night and it just made me sad. My favorite part is how they are introducing things that make people fat into a culture in order to sell them excersize equipment later... Read this and see how we have be minipulated and watch as they do it to the China kids across the pond!

Nearly identical to its US prototype, with employee enthusiasm matching anything back home, Wal-Mart has 48 stores in China, will put up a dozen more before the year is out. At the chain's newest Super Center, in Beijing, the head of Wal-Mart Asia, Joe Hatfield, explained how the world's largest corporation views its fastest growing market.

A growing middle class
JOE HATFIELD, President and CEO, Wal-Mart Asia: It's the one place in the world that you could recreate Wal-Mart all over again.

PAUL SOLMAN: Why?

JOE HATFIELD: Because of the population base and the growth and the income levels.

PAUL SOLMAN: To see how Chinese consumers increasingly go West, just look at cosmetics.

JOE HATFIELD: We started out with four foot of skin care; today it's twenty feet. Today we don't have deodorants, but someday down the road we will have deodorants in China. Five years ago perfumes were not a big business here. But if you look today it's the emerging market.

PAUL SOLMAN: Even sales of dairy products are booming, though most Chinese are lactose intolerant.

JOE HATFIELD: If you'd have came to Shanghai or Beijing four or five years ago, you would have seen about 25 percent of what you're seeing today. This market has just exploded.

PAUL SOLMAN: "Exploded" may be apt, given the symptoms of lactose intolerance, and a new issue in China: eating too much in general.

JOE HATFIELD: They drink more milk; they eat more bread and snack crackers and they eat more meat in their diet; there's a lot less bicycles, so that takes away from the exercise side of it, so the size of people are getting larger, so what's that tell you? Exercise equipment's getting good, exercise wear, jogging outfits and at some point, we'll have Slimfast and all those type of products.

PAUL SOLMAN: Slimfast in China. But while Wal-Mart may be spurring Western-style over-consumption for those relatively few at the top, its style of merchandising may have benefits here. Criticized in America as leading "a race to the bottom," Wal-Mart in China could be leading a race in the opposite direction.

WAL-MART CUSTOMER (Translated): First, the price is good. Second, the environment is good.

WAL-MART CUSTOMER (Translated): They wear a smile on their face. They give us directions and help us to find the things we need very efficiently.

WAL-MART CUSTOMER (Translated): This supermarket is modern and cool.

PAUL SOLMAN: It's also clean. Its meat section, for instance, features workers in masks to guard against disease.

JOE HATFIELD: It evolved a couple years ago when we had SARS; and there's a lot of focus being given to food safety and cleanliness and sanitation; and the customers appreciate it.

PAUL SOLMAN: So, apparently, does the Chinese government. Hygiene has long been an afterthought for Chinese businesses; grocers, for example, still use fans to scatter flies. So the government can point to Wal-Mart as a model of modernization.

JOE HATFIELD: They hold us to a higher standard than others and to set the expectations for others to follow.

PAUL SOLMAN: Cleanliness, convenience, and opportunity for today's workers, and those of tomorrow.

JOE HATFIELD: In a store like this, where we'll hire 500 to 550 associates with opportunities to grow -- when I joined the company, I started out as an assistant manager and a store manager. How would I have ever dreamed 30 years ago I would be doing what I am doing today and I think we give ten or fifteen thousand people each year those opportunities to grow.

FEMALE WORKER (Translated): Before, as peasants, all we faced every day was fields and vegetables. Now I get information from all sides, and I can develop myself. That's the difference.

MALE WORKER (Translated): My goal is to become district manager in one year and manager of all of Wal-Mart in five years.

PAUL SOLMAN: Do you hope to be Joe Hatfield someday?

MALE WORKER (Translated): I'd like to be his boss. (Laughs)

PAUL SOLMAN: There's the same can-do spirit in Wal-Mart's book section, where customers take their inspiration from the likes of Dale Carnegie and his "How to Win Friends and Influence People:" A "Made in America" philosophy in a store whose goods are almost all made in China.

Still, as with so much foreign investment in China, the vast majority of the poor are out of the picture. And Wal-Mart's low-price policy forces Chinese suppliers, says labor activist Han Dongfang, to treat their workers badly.

HAN DONGFANG, Chinese Labor Activist: They make these subcontractors compete with each other, against each other and Wal-Mart just sits here and see these people biting against each other and they're bleeding and then they get the lowest point -- price; it's based on exploitation of Chinese workers.

Enjoy... I'll leave you with this: IF WAL-MART IS THE ANTI-CHRIST THEN WHY DO THEY SELL BIBLES? HMMM...

Stealing from Hotels... The traveling mans way to living free and cheap!

2005-09-27T15:03:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the long delay in posting... I haven't had time to do anything remotely creative and I haven't really had much to say that would be interesting. So without further delay I say this:

I travel a lot and lately I have found myself using the complimentary soap and shampoo at my house. Now this may say more about me then the fact that I am cheap but we don't need to go into my issues right now... That would be a whole different subject.

Anyway, with this in mind I have been thinking of a few ways to steal from the man (or Hotel) and Thus, never needing to buy toilet paper again... I call this The traveling mans way to live free and cheap... (if you have any other ideas to add please do)

Step one: when at home collect a few empty toilet paper rolls. You know those little card board things that hold it all together.

Step two: When at the hotel make sure to unwrap the new roll at the hotel you are staying at. They always will have one roll on the dispenser and one extra

Step Three: Toss both the empty roll from home and the wrapper of the new roll from the hotel on the ground. Not in the trash. They might miss the fact that it is in there and charge you for the missing roll.

Step four: repeat process at every hotel you are at and you will never need to buy toilet paper again. That is if you don't catch a case of explosive diarrhea... That could throw the whole system off.

Now if you are at a semi nice hotel there is also a chance you can get some free tooth paste, a tooth brush, or other bathroom goods for your household simply by calling the front desk. Most hotels have a policy to send you stuff if you "forgot to bring yours".

Now, if you work your cards right you will never need to buy bathroom supplies ever again. You will, in the process, be screwing the man and bringing equality back to the American system of take or be taken

You are on your own on the towels, However, I do have a tip, think pool towels... They can't be traced...

That is all I have:

To bad I can't do any of this because God blessed/cursed me with a strong "Baptist guilt complex".

You enjoy though. POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!!!!!

peace

Jesus and his "first miracle"...

2005-07-27T09:15:00.000-05:00

After hearing a sermon on "Jesus' first miracle", turning water to wine, a few thoughts popped into my head and I can't seem to get them out.

First of all let me paint the picture here:

Jesus is chillin with some friends at a wedding. He has yet to begin his ministry and his mom comes up and says "Hey son, there is no wine for the wedding."
To which Jesus probably said something like "yeah."
She, being the virgin Mary who at this point was no longer a virgin (that is unless you are catholic or you believe that Joseph didn't want god's sloppy seconds and had nothing to do with Mary in that biblical "knowing" kind of way... I know I wouldn't want to have much to do with her after that.)

Anyway, She is like "Turn some water into wine for these people"
Jesus replies " not my time yet"
Nagging mother keeps it up and then Jesus makes the water into wine.

Here is my first question:

If this is Jesus' first miracle then why did Mary know he could do it. I am pretty sure, even I thought a person was the son of God, that I wouldn't casually ask them to turn one substance to another without knowing they could do it. This leaves me to assume that Jesus had to had some kind of prior miracle working stuff before hand. She had to have seen something that would lead her to think, "hey I think my son could very easily turn this water into wine." It only makes since.

This leads to my second question. What was Jesus doing for the almost 20 years that we know of his life. We know at, I think, age 12 he was hanging with the priest soaking up knowledge. After that, nothing until he was 30. What does a Son of God do for all the time without making a splash on the map? Is he just hanging out with his dad making wood bowls and then decides that "I am 30, it is time for me to do something with my life and fill my destiny as the messiah".

I know I am turning 29 this week and I am not thinking that way. I have been working on my dreams for quite a while now. Hmmm, maybe the question isn't What would Jesus do, but what did Jesus do that we should be asking.

I'm OUT.

Find a sucky church with nice people is better than nothing...

2005-07-20T09:12:00.000-05:00

So, a long time ago I said I was going to look for a church. Well, I found one... For now.

I am going to a little church down the street that six months ago I would have walked out of laughing. Heck sometimes I still do walk out laughing.

The churches music sucks, they still sing lord I lift your name on high for pete's sake. Well, actually I guess they sing it for Christ's sake, but Pete seems to like it as well. It is as conservative and political as any church I have ever been to and I am not sure I agree with most anything that is said.

"Why am I going?" you ask. Well, I am going because I think the people are sincere, nice, and I think they really care about people.

That was all I needed to say "count me in". I have decided I am tired of looking for intellect and theology. I am tired of looking for a church that makes me feel right. I just want to go to some place where I think people are actually trying to understand God and are not trying to talk themselves out of faith.

That is all, not funny I know, but that is all.

EDd

The pope, eggs, and how we name things...

2005-07-12T13:46:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I am sitting around when I hear a friend of mine say " so, have you heard that since the new pope was chosen the sell of eggs benedict as gone up?!"

My reaction, *pause with look of unbelief on face* "what?" *uncontrolled laughter*

Now, after my shock and awe wore off, I had a thought. If this was true I simply need to get the next Pope ( because this one is short lived, I promise you that.)to change his name to "St. Whatever I am selling" and I would be set for life. Think about it. If he would have been saint pecan the xxxvixvivxiiiixvi, pecan pie sells would have shot through the ceiling. Heck rated xxx movies with pecan pie in them would have shot through the roof!

{ Side note: In Rome, all the other "guys that wear Red" call the new guy, Pope benedict "of the raccoon eyed people" Arnold. I know this because I chat with the "head Red", as we call him, a lot through IM. }

Okay enough of that:

Do you ever think of why we choose names for things?

Like why we call a cheese burger a "cheese burger" instead of a "burger cheese"? I mean, in most things,like Law firms and business, we do tend to put the main partner or ingredient first. Why is it that they make us think that the cheese burger is made of mostly cheese when it is mostly meat, or "burger". Then again we call a wiener a "hot dog" and to my knowledge there is no Dog in it. Heck, it is rarely actually hot! Peanuts don't have peas in them. Horse shoes are not much like shoes. It doesn't make any sense.

Now if you believe Adam, of Adam and eve, named everything then it would start to come together for you. Maybe he, as we all do, started to get a little bit bored with the job he was given and just started naming things to amuse himself. I know I would do that, wouldn't you? If God would have given me that Job a zebra would have been called Michael Jackson's horse. I would have named a hot dog something like "tasty meaty treat on a bun". You see that whole name thing makes more sense when you think of it like that, doesn't it?

That is all I have. I am bored with this writing. I think I will go re-name things around my house and post sticky notes on them. If you come to my house you will have to call them that or I will kick you out of "man made cave dwelling with running water and heat"... I should shorten that!

Designer jeans and sweet dance moves!!!!

2005-06-24T09:20:00.000-05:00

There is nothing about designer Jeans, choreographed dancing, and lip-syncing that is Christian. Actually I would say that this is the exact opposite of everything Christ died for.

Designer jeans = greed, selfishness, and status.

lip-syncing = lies, cheating, etc...

choreographed dancing = gay ( ok, sorry that was wrong of me I admit that. I went to far. I love Gay People, in that "I don't want to make out with you" way. Except maybe the chicks... Never mind I am digging a whole here.

(I bet some of you George Bush loving right wing nut jobs were all about that last one, weren't you? admit it!) Okay, the dancing is just wrong. I am not sure why, but I know in my heart that it is. So there! *sticks out bottom lip and flods arms to chest*

Okay, all of that to say this. Saw this thing on TBN last night with Jump 5 (nice kids but I have to pick on them, sorry). It made me sick that Christians think ministering to people is getting all sweaty and trying to look cool in their over priced jeans. The church does not need to try and convince people that God is this hip guy that wants to hold hands and skip along to Justin Timberlake with them. We just don't.

Nothing about hanging on a cross covered in blood was hip or cool. Funny, God chose that way to show us who he was... To bad they didn't just have lip-syncing back in his day, huh? Could have saved him a lot of trouble.

PEACE.

Selling Jesus, Good or bad...

2005-06-15T09:06:00.000-05:00

First let me clairify that I am not talking about the mexican slave trade. Obviously selling guys name "heysues"/Jesus would be both wrong and improper. It would also be illegal in most of the 50 states and many of the other countries across the world.

What I am talking about is Marketing Jesus, as in Christ, as Movies, shirts, cartoon specials, and that sort of thing. Is that bad?

My first reaction is Yes. Yes it is very bad to sell Jesus and to make money of something that Christians hold dear to their hearts. Back a few years ago I started a Christian T-shirt company with the idea to help people start conversations with others about faith, religion, and God. Shortly after that I had a change of heart and felt like no one got the point and that I was just another "Jesus smut pedeler". I have since stoped selling my Tees and am trying to get rid of the remaining stock.

A lot of Christians sell their God to the masses. For example, Mel, "I'm Rich B****", Gibson made over 50 millon dollars off of the selling of the passion of the Christ, other wise known by it's working title of "watch this guy die and give me your money, cha ching, cha ching!" Others have made millons just selling passion gear, T-shirts, dinner plates, easter egg painting supplies. It is crazy.

Now, is it a bad thing. The debate is something like this: Selling God Vs. Spreading the message. I would say on the "Spreading the message side" they have some good points. The driving force and main speaking point in AMerica is Greed and Money. Want to stop seeing bad rapp CDs come out. Stop buying them and they will go bye bye. Want to see more Will ferrell movies (do we really need more) Go see his movies and spend your money on his DVDs.

Our country runs on Cash. What we buy is what we get more of. Do we want Christ to be a part of the culture? Then we must spend money on him. That is how it works. I am not sure I want Christ to be a part of culture. I am not sure I want him to be another fad, the next big thing. I am not sure that is a good thing. I guess that is not for me to decide though. That is why we will never really solve the problem of wether selling Christ is Good or Not in America. i will leave it up to you.

I will correct this later. I have junk to do.

PEACE no SWAG.

buy the new foo fighter album and let the world know you want more foo!!!!

Lesbian hair and gay girl fashion trends...

2005-06-03T09:58:00.000-05:00

Lesbian hair is a really strange thing. Think about it for a second. It's is like guy hair except not out of this decade. I mean, "guy gays" don't go around with puffy bangs from the 80's as a sign they are queer. They don't even do the whole one earring thing any more. Gay men seem to be very fashionable from head to toe. The chick, if it is ok to call them that, seem to have trouble staying current to even the last decade. They do the whole Feather mullet thing, the short teased look. It is all so 1985 (now I am starting to sound gay).

My point is this. Maybe the lesbian chick got the male fashion genes... Now, you might say, well why aren't "real men" still dressing like bad trucker porn stars from the eighties? Here is my answer to that. THEY DATE CHICK!!!! They have to impress ladies that care about fashion, and hair, and not dating a total loser (P.S. It hurts when you call us that and then slap us in the face and walk away.). So for that reason guys watch TV and learn what it takes to snag a straight chic. In the "Gay World" there is no dating an opposite. You are dating another person that has the same genes... and shirt, and hair, and lack of make up, etc. So there is no reason to dress up and look like you belong in this decade. There is no one to tell you other wise. You girlfriend is a walking fashion mistake as well. So you go through life with no one to guide you.

That is the story of lesbian hair and why it is what it is. Believe it or not!

Next time I will discuss "selling Jesus... Good or bad?"

Talking before you think...

2005-05-23T11:46:00.000-05:00

I may be alone in this but I tend to open my mouth before I think about what I am going to say. This leads to me saying many things that are just not proper and that tend to get me into all kinds of trouble... So, I was thinking... There are things that you can say in some situations that you shouldn't in others. For example: If you are hungry it is okay to say "man, I could really go for some Oreos and marshmallow fluff right now!" However, if are in the middle of some intimate (make out) times with your Girlfriend/boyfriend this could be taken the wrong way. With that being said... Below is a list of things that might be Taken well if said in another situtation, but if you say them after your girlfriend/boyfriend says they want to break-up with you, then it would just seem odd.

1) The bears can smell the menstruation!

2) Would you like some pie?

3) So, you want to make out.

4) So you play the yazz flute.

5) Will you marry me?

6) So we're still on for a movie on Friday right?

7) Look I just got you a key to my apartment.

8) this couch is so comfortable I could sit here all day!

9) thanks for the cookies. They are great!

10) Do remember that time in that movie die hard where that building blows up and they save that girl with the swinging rope and all that... That was cool.

Old things creep me out!

2005-05-12T00:30:00.000-05:00

There is something about the eastern part of our "good ole US of A" that creeps me out a bit. It could be, and I am just guessing here, that everything looks like something of a horror movie set.Everything is old here, the people, the houses, everything.

On top of that, People like to dress all old here. I am not talking "old" in your grandma old. I am talking "old" in your grandma's grandma's grandma old.(if you understood that you are a better person than I give you all credit for) Anyway, these people still dress like they are in the 1800's I mean, there are Quakers (the oatmeal people), there are "friends" (other wise known as Amish), Heck even the weslyen churches up here dress like they are from that period. They Live in houses out of the 1800's, drive horse and buggies, and eat more Mc Donanld's than any other people in The world. (Not sure what that last one has to do with anything, however I do see a lot of Amish types in "Mc'y D's" around here).

My point is that these people are stuck in that "old school" look that went out way before Grand master flash hit the stage. I mean, c'mon!... add some color for pete sake!!!

Qucik racial Joke: (I just made this up) Why aren't there black Amish people... They won't let them wear purple suits... bah dump bah ching!

What I am trying to say is that I think there is something in the water up here that makes everyone a little crazy in the head. If God wanted us to build things and chop down trees he wouldn't have invented poor people to do it for us...

Ok enough offending people for tonight. I am going to bed. That is if I can sleep... All this old stuff creeps me out!

People at the zoo...

2005-05-04T18:05:00.000-05:00

I love the Zoo. What better place in the world to watch "wild" monkeys? If you say the wild then you are greatly mistaken. You see "the wild" has issues like bugs, other creatures, and of course it doesn't have the cool "bullet proof glass" thing that zoos have. Having that makes viewing more enjoyable by far. How else can we get close enough to a monkey or gorilla with out it ripping our arms off if we are making faces at it. Where else can one eat cotton candy 3 feet from a huge gorilla and not get torn to bits. That is why the zoo rocks!

There is also another kind of monkey to watch at the zoo and this is your great American "redneck ape". These guys are everywhere. They are pushing stroller, screaming at their offspring, and talking about Beer while pushing their kids in stroller. What is it about these rednecks that they think that beer is a great topic for deep discussion. Who cares if "logger is a better tasting beer" or " if they got wasted yesterday" and what happened when they did. Why is it that people talk about this like it is deep theology or something? It is beer people, calm down! I am not sure I could tell one beer from another if I tried. Beer is a beverage not a way of life!

Speaking of over hearing things...

My favorite thing to do at the Zoo is stand around and listen to people make up conversations for the monkeys. It is kind of the same thing as watching TV with sound off and making up your own plot line. People can't help themselves. They start making up random dialogue for these animals as if it were them or their friends sitting their munching on Grass and talking about how drunk they were last night. I saw one guy that saw a monkey a sleep and projected on it that "he had to much to drink last night.".

Anyway, if you are bored and need some cheap entertainment. I would suggest you go to the zoo for $7 bucks and watch people make fools of themselves. Oh, and while you are there pick up a plastic molded animal from the mold-a-rama!

Cost of Zoo $7
cost of cotton candy $3
cost of watching redneck idiots make up words for gorillas that are minding there own business. PRICELESS

EDd

People who have big trucks, working 12 yrs to have babies, and other stupid people that need to be done away with.

2005-04-28T13:31:00.000-05:00

So I am watching TV last night and I see this PBS special on how bad our water is polluted. This show said that they have found that the worst pollution is in small farm towns because of the checmicals we use on our food. Let me type that again in big Bold letters. WE ARE KILLING OURSELVES WITH THE CHEMICALS WE ARE PUTTING ON OUR FOOD!!!!

There is definitley something wrong with us when the bad chemicals in our water are caused by growing the food we eat...

OK, that was me side tracked by the thought that we are pretty much killing ourselves with everything we do. Now on to the things that really annoy me...

BIG TRUCKS BEING DRIVEN BY SOCCER MOMS AND EVERY OTHER PERSON THAT DOESN'T NEED TO BE DRIVING ONE.

Why in God's green earth (which will soon be brown becasue of what we are doing to it) do we think we need to drive a 1 Ton truck to Wal-mart to buy our kids spiderman pajamas! I just don't get it! Everyone is complaining about the gas prices and how bad it is gettting. They want to drill in Alaska, hold hands with arab dictators, and do everything short of stopping a war to get oil prices down. All the while all they need to do is down size thier cars. Supply and demand people, supply and demand... Socker Moms do not need hummers!!!

Speaking of stupid socker moms I also want to throw a shout out to those idot people I saw on the news the other day that tried 12yrs to have a baby before paying some chic 25,000 and some change to pop out five of them. I would sooner see a bus hit these people walking out of the hospital then for them to be parents. What kind of selfish people go through all of that to have a baby and don't think "hey let's adopt". How retarded can you be! These people should not raise children. God must of agreed that is why he tried to stop them. I bet these people take their five babies, get in their Hummer, drive down the road throwing cigerattes out the window all the way to uncle saddam's house where they can show him their five devil children while they dispose of thier oil and chemicals into the river in his back yard. I hate selfish americans... Oh, wait I probably am one... SUCK. I Hate us, and I know why other countries hate us. We are the stupid, self-centered, retarded brother in this great big family we call the world. We are the spoiled Momma's boy that gets what he wants while the other kids who would do better with it get nothing... WE ARE THE EVIL STEP SISTERS IN CINNDERELLA!!!

I AM DONE RANTING> until next time...

EDd

Finally a new post... P.S. the Pope is Dead, did you hear about this???

2005-04-15T15:55:00.000-05:00

Sorry to anyone who actually checks this thing to hear me rant about crap! I have been on the road for a while and was without internet service. Oh well, I am sure you can live with out it if not... well your probably dead and won't ever read it again anyway.

While I was gone on my trip my good friend the pope died. In honor of "pookythepreist77"(his AOL IM name) I thought I might type a few words. Kind of a "yagooogley" if you will. I am not much of an "yagooglelizer" but I will do my best.

The Pope, Kind man. Short like Yoda. Wise like yoda. His hair always seemed to match his outfit. I can respect a man who cares enough to do that. He was humble... I know this because he always walked with his head to the ground never looking anyone in the eye. This could have been the "Yoda-back hump thing", but I think it was something more. I think he was trying to teach us a lesson. I remember once when I was chatting online with him about our shared hate for the "Jesus death flick", his words not mine, and he said "fffffffffffforrrrrrakoooooooooooooooo.... Sorry fell asleep on the key board, LOL... gotta go to bed chat wit ya later".

Those where good times.

I'll miss the hutch back of Rome. He was a great big ball of fun. The new guy has some very big shoes to fill. Not so much in shoe size, I think the Pope wore size seven, but it will take a lot to reach the high standard that this Pope held as an example of being cool and godly.

He will be missed...

RIP Pope John Paul the whatever... "In singing voice: this is my Pope John Paul of whatever, do do ka do do ka"

PEACE

Parents are good for something...

2005-03-22T10:41:00.000-06:00

Here are the top ten reasons why my parents can't die.

1) I would have to sort through the junk in their house

2) I would have to spend every holiday with my in laws

3) My Dad may be the only person more annoying to than me in the entire world

4) I wouldn't have anyone to blame for all the new mental problems that keep popping up

5) I wouldn't get the satisfaction of hearing "are you ever going to get a real job" every few weeks

6) Did I mention all the junk they have collected over the last "50 some odd" years

7) I would have no one to co sign on my loans

8) Their death projects that my death will be around the same age. The sooner they die, the shorter time I have

9) Did I mention more time with my in-laws... hugh!

10) They are the only people I know that have a place were it is legal to shoot off fire works.

Seriously though. I love my parents. They are great people. {Although my Dad at one point in my life accused me of being gay, snorting clue, and trying to start a fire at my school. I mean I can understand though. I did have a rash under my nose, no girlfriend, and I did carry matches to school once. I mean that is a sure sign of a "glue snorting-homosexual-arson" if I've ever seen one. You would have to be blind not see it...}

Sorry got side tracked.

My parents treated me well and still do. I could have been much worse off. Actually I probably had some of the best parents around. However, seeing as I am just like my dad, quick with the words and slow with the brain, I should probably avoid children of all sizes.

Midgets are people too (WARNING THIS MAY OFFEND YOU...AT LEAST I HOPE IT DOES)

2005-03-11T14:54:00.000-06:00

First let me start by saying that I am an equal oprtunity person. I have no problem laughing at midgets, children, black people, white people, cripples, and any other kind of person. Chances are if I have met you I have made fun of you or laughed at you. It's what I do. I don't have a problem with making fun of people in general. It just is just good harmless fun. That said I will start my defense of the "little people" in our society...

My wife, while shopping at the mall recently, came across a shirt That read "Midgets gone wild". While I do find this a LITTLE humorous I also have to think that a store in the mall should not be selling this kind of obvious offensive bigotry. They wouldn't sell a shirt that had any of the following slogans:

"Niggers gone wild"
"injuns like to scalp"
"Fags gone wild"
"Jews are cheap"
"Honkies are white"

They wouldn't do that because that kind of humor is seen as wrong by people in the amereican culture. Right?

My question is this: Why is it okay to make jokes and call "little people" midgets and not ok for the same people to call someone a "FAG" or a Nigger?

(I am going to use the offensive terms for shock value and search engines the rest of the way here just a warning)

We all know that midgets have more of a right to the whole "born that way" argument then the, self classified fag minority. Why then can we constantly ridicule midgets and can't wear our "fags for Bush" T-shirts. It's just wrong.

Where is Jesse Jackson when you need him? I am sure if he were as short as he is black he might care a LITTLE more about this problem in our culture.

The midgets need what the Niggers had. They need a Martin Luther "midget" king. They need someone to stand up for their rights and say "we count", "we matter", "We deserve respect"! Maybe that person should be me!!!!!!!!!!

Nah, I have too LITTLE time as it is. Oh well.

Sorry for the use of so many offensive terms. It had to be done to make my point. MY POINT IS THAT IT IS NOT OK TO BELITTLE AND HATE OTHERS. WE SHOULD BE JUST AS OFFENDED AS A NATION BY MIDGET SHIRTS AS WE ARE BY THE WORD NIGGER OR FAG... Anyway, I will leave you all in the immortal words of that guy who got beat by some cops in L.A., "Can't we all just get along."

Random things that I discovered this week...

2005-03-02T10:54:00.000-06:00

I had some time on my hands this week and actually had some thoughts pop in my head. This rarely happens so I thought I might type a few of them up:

If you take the SEX out of Homosexual you get Homo-ual if you take it out of Heterosexual you get hetero-ual. I am not sure that it really means anything but at the time it seemed interesting in my head. It also made me think about Jeff Foxx worthy and how he would turn it into some kind of hick slang for pointing out what kind of sexual preference a person has, like "Hey look, it's a Homo-ual"

Also I thought about how big of slut Paris Hilton is and how sucky it must be to keep getting you naked pictures put on the internet for everyone to see. Oh, wait she must like that. Who in their right mind takes naked pics of themselves with their cell phone. Hey Paris, the good news it is going to become so common for people to see you naked they won't even want to. It will become something of a "oh look, Paris is naked again. Pass the potatoes.".

Arby's has good Fries... That popped in my head as well. However, I might have just been hungry.

the Pope is Dead... Well at least that is my thought process. I think they are keeping on life support until the anti-christ gets old enough to take his place. I hear that the devil's bastard son is now in his Teens... Although if the Passion of the Christ movie is right he should both over 2000 years old and a midget. Hey, maybe devil-children (devil-children is kind of redundant) grow slower or something.

Also need to find a Church for Easter. I haven't been in a while and need a place to go. Why Easter? Why not? My dad always went on Easter. I should at least do that. Any ideas?

Those are my thoughts. I told you I was bored.

Taking love thy neighbor too far...

2005-02-17T11:45:00.000-06:00

I was having a conversation with my neighbor the other day, not the one with the raccoon, but the one with the small Scotty dog that attacked my "twice its size" beagle and bit his ear. (I still love that dog for that, and always will.)

Anyway, I found out my neighbor is throwing food over his fence to my dog. Now, I am not a violent person (in my head in a nerdy black man voice "but I will cut you") but I wanted to punch him for telling me that and for doing it even though I have told him not to at least twice.

Here is my thought on this matter: This is a very jerky thing to do to a person, however I think the guy has the best of intentions and cares about my dog. Either that or is out to get me and wants to make my Dog turn on me by feeding him left overs.

So, in the spirit if this act, I have decided that even though the bible clearly says to love your neighbor, there are a few ways of taking this too far (ie... feeding your neighbors dog with out asking him)

1) Mowing his lawn with out asking (this is the equivalent of telling a woman she is fat by buying her the wrong size clothes or exercise equipment)

2)Taking in their trash can from the curb (again comes across like they are a burden

3) Having sex with your neighbor or his wife, or any other member of the family especially the kids and the dog (while this may be a literal way to love your neighbor it really isn't very nice. It could also land you in jail...huh hum,... Mr. Jackson)

4)Watching them through their windows late at night to make sure they are ok. (while a neighborhood watch is a good thing. This is a step too far.)

5) Sharing your music with them by playing it at volumes loud enough for them to hear. (again, sharing is good... but burning them a CD would probably be a better way to do it)

6) Sharing Jesus with them by knocking on there door and inviting them to you church. (while sharing your faith is good thing, this is the spiritual equivalent of #1.)

7) Try to help them earn extra money by getting them involved with Quixtar, Amway, or Avon. (while this seems like a good thing to you and your brainwashed friends. It is bad to get them involved in a cult or some other kind of money making scheme that doesn't work.

8) Hugging them when you see them out in public. (while waving is perfectly acceptable, hugging is a bit creepy and could get you kicked off the Christmas party list fast.)

9) Inviting them for a sleep over at your place. (grown ups don't have sleep overs.)

10) Sharing you wife with them. ( it is never ok to offer your wife to someone as a gift. This goes for both sex and for cleaning purposes. Not only will this not help your neighbors it will also give you problems with your wife)

OK that is all. I leave you with this thought.

BE A GOOD NEIGHBOR... MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

8

Hey Kid watch out for that raccoon

2005-02-08T16:13:00.000-06:00

Someone that lives on my street has a pet raccoon. I always see it following these kids around with this little hairless dog thing. I am baffled by it, not the raccoon as much as the hairless dog, eeh.

A pet raccoon. What a crazy world this is we live in ... I guess if it stays out of the trash and doesn't hump their guests they are one step ahead of me and my dog. A raccoon is kind of the middle ground between a cat dog, I would guess. Cleaner than a dog without the prissy " I am better than you" attitude of a cat. To my knowledge raccoons have no such attitude.

My next pet will either be a monkey or an adopted child. Either way I will name it bingo.

PEACE

And the award for worlds worst feminest goes too...

2005-02-04T14:19:00.000-06:00

Hillary clinton!!!! (crowd applaudes)

Hillary was hailed by a magazine recently as being a great example of an "alpha-female". If you are allergic to B.S. (or as my friend brent would say - "ull hit") then don't buy that magazine. It will give you a crazy sneezing fit.

Let's take a look at hillary and see what kind of femenist she really is. To start she got to the office she holds by riding on her husbands coat tails (not a great start). On top of that, she is so seeking of acceptance from others that she got a job that you can only get by the approval of others (very co-dependent). That's not very alpha like from my view point.

Now, on the woman feminest role model side, she is an even bigger failure. Let's see where do we start here... Oh yeah, she let her husband get away with not one affair, but too many to count, including a blow job at work that she help cover up. She not only stayed married to this man, but then proceeded to lie for him about the affiars to the public. This is not and alpha-woman at all, it is the sad helpless women that we see all to often at abuse clinics and therapist offices letting thier husbands get away with beating them.

Why is it that the most angry of the feminest are the ones living the most normal female roles (house wife,Etc...). They "beleive" they are equal but rarely act it out. They live in their suburban houses and clean up after their macho husbands and live the normal everyday female roles obsessing over how they look and being a good woman for thier man.{Not that there is anything wrong with that. Just own it and don't be angry about your role.}

If you live on a farm (or the nice suburb of your choice)with your construction worker husband and kids (or just long to have kids and a nice family, setltle down and live the american dream) I have a news flash for you... YOU SUCK AT BEING FEMENIST!!!!!!

Wake up Woman. Quit talking the talk and telling us how much you are equal to us and just prove it. Do something different like not get married, have tons of babies, and keep the house all tidy. Let's see you actually stand up and kick a man to the curb if he cheats on you. Let's see you ask for respect by not sleeping with men because they want you to. Women, if you ever truly want to see how much power you have just stand up and say "no". You have more power than you think. Men are very easy to control. It's time you realized that. It is simply supply and demand. You have what they want. You control the flow of it. They will pay the price you ask. CONTROL - now that is a sign of an Alpha-female.

PEACE

America, money, and their great big greedy God...

2005-01-31T09:53:00.000-06:00

I have a friend who recently joined the "cult of the rich". I hope he doesn't read this: If he does I apologize to him for the things I am about to say. I am mostly worried that he is throwing his life away for the thought of getting rich quick and doesn't realize he is a part of a scam.

He started working with a group called Qiuxstar. They are a "company" that works on the pyramid plan. Get your friends to spend their money here and you'll make money off of them and so on and so on until you run out of people you can exploit. The fact that pyramid plans rarely, if ever, work is not my problem with this group though. My problem is that they have thrown God into the mix and distorted what Christianity is all about even more than we all ready have here in america. That and the fact that they are just using my friend and his friends to make money by telling them they need to go to tons of conferences and "meetings", that they have to pay to go to by the way, as well as telling them they need to buy all the tapes, DVDs, and CDs from the company to learn how to sell themselves and "the business".

My friend went to a conference and has ended up coming back and giving away a dream he has had for a long time to pursue the "all-American dollar". It makes me sad... I am not sure what to do. They have him so brain washed that it makes me sick. He has gone from a fun loving guy who is great to hang with to a guy that is totally consumed by telling people about this "company" and what it can do for them (he still a great guy when talking about anything but this cult but it consumes him more than even his relastionship with God). I have seen a huge change in his motivation over the last few months and it is a very sad thing to see.

The worst thing about this company is the fact that they are selling you on becoming rich, which you will likely not do. However, this is not my beef. The fact that they sell this as a Christian out reach as well is what makes me the most angry. I have listened to a few tapes and DVDs, at my friends request, because I care about him and want to see what this thing he is into is all about. The thing I keep hearing is "me,me,me" and "money,money, money". They tell you to get freedom, quit your job, and Go for this plan. They tell you that if you are going to succeed in this plan you need to be at every conference you can and never miss a meeting. It is very cult like in it's structure. They have taken the emotionalism of modern American Christianity and used it to scam people into thinking they can be rich in "just a few years".

I call B.S. on this one. It's the great American lie! Money is not as important as we have made it to be! If you want to check out a good story on this scam check out the following: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4375477&&CM=EmailThis&CE=1 or http://www-2.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/Amway/

I realize this one may have been even more unstructered and badly written then most of my writting. I am just venting and will correct it later.

PEACE

I like my ... like I like my ...

2005-01-27T09:27:00.000-06:00

I like My women like I like my books, short, thin, and easy to read.

now you try...

Eddie

Hardcore for life...

2005-01-17T13:33:00.000-06:00

My last post was so well recieved I thought I would make it a small running series.

Here are a few signs you might be hardcore:

You can tell the difference between Metal-core, black Metal, and every other sub-genre of sreaming bands that everyone else classifies as "Metal-crap-core".

You think other people should be able to tell the difference as well

You think "a few skulls can brighten up any room"

You think sticking out your tounge and giving the "rock horns" is a kind way to say hello.

The sound of machine gun fire makes you think of your favorite drummer

Black is not just your favorite color it is your way of life

you enjoy being spit on

punching your friend is a sign of affection

You think Metallica is "too commercial"

The words "raghhh fraa shro chaan twaaaaaa" actually mean something to you.

You think bands that sing are sell outs

You only have three colors in your wardrobe, black, white, and red

more too come!

If your emo and you know it clap your hands...

2005-01-11T14:01:00.000-06:00

A few signs you might be an emo "scenester" kid...

Your wearing girl pants and your not a girl.

Your favorite bands album title is too long to fit on the CD cover.

You think a good song should have the word "bleeding" in it.

The green army hat you wear was handed to you by a chic at Hot Topic and not and army sargent.

"spining strings of redemption" actually means something to you.

you think that someone has to have black hair to be "Hot".

You think that "the lead singer guy" from the used is your homeboy and you wear the shirt to prove it.

You know the "lead singer guy" from The Used's name

You pump your fist in the air instead of doing air guitar to cool songs

you wear your shirt two sizes to small

Because of your hair you haven't seen out of more than one eye for years

you find yourself adding screaming back ground parts to songs that don't have them.

your friends would hate you if you listened to a band with less than four words in thier name.

being depressed seems normal to you

If your not wearing black you feel naked

You think any member of The Evan Anthem is attractive

Song titles like "horseshoes and handgernades", "blossoms and blood", and "near fatal explosion" dont make you laugh out loud. (P.S. these song titles are all real, and I found them online from bands with similarly funny names)

More to come...

Get off my house you dirty Mexicans!!!!! /singing flowers are not funny...

2005-01-08T16:22:00.000-06:00

I have had Mexicans on my roof for the last three days banging on it and making loud noises(they are repairing the roof apparently. You should also know that I did not ask them to repair my roof).

Today, Saturday, they showed up at 7:30 woke me up by hammering at my roof and are still banging away at this moment. I am about to go insane!! Whatever happened to the days when we could trust our Mexican labor to show up, be lazy, and take siestas. If they would have been whiteys I bet they would have waited until 12:00 to start working on my roof. Who would have thought that they would be showing up and working all hours of the day just to drive me insane... Bang, bang, BANG!!! It's all just to much. I just can't take it!

On a happy note. Apparently it is offensive to God to say that his singing flowers (yes they are real) up in Heaven creep me out. I am now going to burn in hell for questioning God's gardening choices. I still say if I were God I would have went with your average run of the mill mute flower. I mean think of how annoying those singing flowers at gas stations are. Do I really want a heaven full of those? Maybe my friends aunt was actually seeing hell. Seems so to me. Flowers singing and making racket. Paradise would be silent to me, at least at this point silence would be nice.

Long story short for the above paragraph: A friend tells me that her aunt died and went to heaven. I say "cool". She says "yeah she said there were all kinds of singing flowers..." I start laughing and saying how that sounds like a bad drug trip and how I would step on those flowers because they'd creep me out. She gets offended and says that I am a bad Christian for making fun of God's creation.

Editorial about my friend: She, first of all, hates Mexicans for no reason (I only hate the ones banging on my roof at this moment) and people that don't speak English, basically any "none american". These, mexicans and mom-english speaking people, are both Gods creation as well, at least I think so. My point is she needs to take the plank out of her eye and all that junk before running to me...

Another thing: Just because your aunt tells me that there are singing flowers in heaven doesn't mean it's true. I mean, my aunt told me there was a tooth fairy and that didn't work out so well for me. All though I wish I could get money for my teeth. That would be cool!

That is all I have for now. Hopefully the great Mexican invasion of my house will soon end and I can get some rest.

Things I hate more than Pink!!!

2005-01-03T14:55:00.000-06:00

I think I have found a few things I hate more than people wearing pink. These things are: pastel purple, velvet matching sweat suits, and men's clothes from The Gap. All of which you should either be gay or female to even try to wear. This is not to say these things are ok to wear as woman. I am just saying that if you are a hetero male wearing a velvet matching jump suit you'd better go to the nearest bathroom, pull down your velvety smooth pants and check to see if your penis is still attached to your croch.

If you wear pink clothes, pastel purple of any kind, Men's clothes from the gap, or a velvet jump suit seek help soon. If you wear or would like to wear any of these products in a combination please kill yourself... Or at least stay out of my eye's range so I am not tempted to do it for you.

Have a nice day, and don't wear pink... (Nick!)

Save your friends from hell for only 19.95!!!!

2004-12-28T11:38:00.000-06:00

Ok, I was watching TBN last night...(I know why was watching TBN? I can't help myself. I am drawn to that purple haired weeping "man/woman" like a bug to a flame. It is much better than anything you can find on the comedy channel and you don't have to pay the premium) Anyway, Kurt "I can't get a real acting job" Cameron was on T.V. talking about how everyone is going to hell and people are not living up to what it means to be a Christian. (I agree with him so far) Then he starts beating people up on the street with the law. Not literally the tablets with the commandments on them, more verbally than anything. I enjoy a good verbal bashing so I continue to watch... Then they are talking about how you need to check out their website to see how to do this to people and really tear them down with the law to show them "God's love".

At this point I am super excited to realize I can live up to my Christian potential and know how to badger people with God's holy scripture. I leave my seat and rush to my computer to find the website they told me about. Only to find out that if I want to learn how to save my friends from hell I have to buy some kind of tape series or something. I know this might make me a bad Christian but my friends aren't worth that much money to me. That being said, I click on the one thing that looks promising, The line that says "I can't afford to buy my friends out of hell what do I do", I am paraphrasing that of course. That leads me to the evidence bible website were I get some great tidbits about evalution and how Adam and eve have to be real people or the bible is a total crock of horse dung. Now, that I can use!

To get the good stuff you again have to buy the bible. This sucks! It's hard being a good Christian when your poor and you have to help people with your hands and not with your wallets. My life sucks!!! It is no wonder I am not a good christian. I just can't afford it.

Anyway, if you people that actually have jobs are interested in buying your friend's salvation then you can go to these sites and check them out. While your there pick me up a copy (or just burn it for me). I figure being poor puts me one step away from the fire pits of eternal fire. Am I worth saving? you decide.

Websites

www.thewayofthemaster.com

www.theevidencebible.com (or just clcik on the poor chump button at the other site.)

PEACE

Can I get a kid with a side of Fries... Super size that please.

2004-12-23T09:04:00.000-06:00

You want your kid to be fat.

Why? Well I will tell you why.

First let me say that it really doesn't have to be fat. Socially weird, short, geeky, any of these type of things will work just fine. Being fat is best but it is not the only way to keep your kids safe and secure in this crazy world. The reason is this. If your kid is an "attractive/cool kid" they are way more likely to have friends and get in trouble. They are also more likely to have sex, smoke crack, and get in cars with boys who don't drive well and will wreck into things trying to show off.

If keeping your kids safe means keeping them miserable then I say go for it. I lived my life as I fat Kid and I turned out fine. I still have a small compulsive Oreo fetish and a desire to prove myself as being cool, but other than that I am fine.

With fat kids you never have to worry about some of the things you do with "normal" kids. For example, them going out on dates with over aggressive boys or girls. If they get a date at all it will be with the bottom of the heap geek type or someone with some other problem that won't have the self-esteem to make a move on them. That is good news for the over protective parent.

You won't have to worry about them getting in cars with people driving crazy either. Most of the nerdy kids that will take your kid out will be driving their grandma's old "iron caddy" that will only travel at speeds that are safe and secure. On top of that if they hit anything it will not even get a ding while they tree, wall, or house will crumble.

You won't have to worry about drugs. The only drugs the fat and socially weird kids can get their hands on are of the sniffley sneezey variety. They will be stuck bowling on the weekends nad getting laughed at by their peers. This is exactly what you wnat to happen. it makes them stronger and less likely to get into trouble.

The only real thing you have to be aware of with this plan is if your kid is making the transition from fat loser to band nerd or Goth queen. These two things can be dangerous to your plot and your kids.

First, with the band nerd thing, if they become a band nerd they will start getting with other geeks and start to feel empowered. They might also move from jazz band into playing in a rock band and that could cause a lot of trouble. Your kid could make a jump from "fat geek" to "quirky rock God" in a split second. This would be horrible. To combat this I suggest you only let them play instuments like oboe or french horn. Never anything like saxaphone or drums. There is even a status level among band geeks and french horn is definitely at the bottom.

Even more dangerous than playing the Sax is the pull to start wearing black clothes and eyeliner. This is a sure sign that they are feeling empowered with their being different. At this point the only thing you can do is be in constant look out for Guns other weapons. I personally would send my Goth kid off to boarding school, but definitely be on the look out for trouble. Being a Goth kid is one step away from being insane. They could kill you or soot up their school at any moment.

So in closing, while it is fun and proper to jack with your kids lives as much as possible. Always beware of the fact that it could turn on you and you could end up on the news talking about how your kid shot up his or her school and you didn't see it coming. Manipulation is serious game that takes a lot of effort. Don't go at it half way. It could have serious consequences.

Merry CHRISTmas!!! tis the season to buy a lot of junk in the name of the lord.

If I were a clown...

2004-12-15T19:00:00.000-06:00

If I were a clown I would be an evil clown that would make little kids fall and then laugh at them for it. I think as clown I could just do whatever I wanted to people and get away with it. I think if I saw a clown stabbing someone I would probably think it was some kind of joke. That is kind of clown I would want to be evil in a funny way. what kind of clown would you be?

poetry and a random thought...

2004-12-13T10:28:00.000-06:00

I won't post very much junk like this here but I found some stuff I did a while back in a box and thought I would type it up so I wouldn't lose it. The first one is a poem I wrote and the second is a "random thought" I wrote down it sums up a lot of the ways I felt about the quest for God at the time. PEACE

El POEM

Unspoken word breathes life
and walks the earth like a man

Light hangs upon a tree
and dies like a lamb

Three days until the sun will rise
and reign king once again
Sunrise to sunset
beginning and end

EL RANDOM WORD O

Stop looking for answers and start embracing the question. A God that can be defined in a book and explained by man is surely not a God at all. The Unknown only serves to define the depths and to glorify the expanse of Gods power and majesty. The beautiful mystery that is God is much larger than we will ever comprehend. All we can hope to do is grasp a small portion of Gods infinity within the simple confines of our minds. Using our perception, our worldview, and our experience to guide us we must search out and hold on to whatever understanding of God we have while always knowing that there is more to be found.

Enjoy...

Nothing says Christmas like Midgets...

2004-12-06T10:07:00.000-06:00

This is a great time of year to be a midget. I bet the monthly earning for Midgets triples for them. They get more work and stay busier this time of year than any other time hands down. It is hard to do a Christmas type show with out them. Heck if they are smart, and all midgets are, they can even keep it going in to the new year as "baby new year". We have to have our elves to make Christmas stories work. I saw three shows this weekend packed full of midgets and I am sure they don't come cheap. Why don't I think they would be as cheap as any other extra on the market. Because midgets know that they can't be replaced. CGI is too expensive and their all kinds of regulations to having kids play the parts of elves and the like. Midgets are your only affordable elf options for the holiday movies and TV. It is simple supply and demand. We need Midgets and they need Money.

Think of it this way. How many midgets are their in the world? If you have watched shows like Wizard of OZ or Willow you know the answer is a very high number(high enough that if you stacked it up they wouldn't be able to reach the top). How many of these midgets do you see driving cabs or working at your place of employment? How many do we see working at starbucks or any other various job that regular sized people are doing? If you have lived any where you know the answer is a very small number .
So how are these midgets getting by? How are they affording to live year in and year out? The answer is show business my friend. They can make enough money playing an elf or dwarf or something else in a show to live off for the entire year. I bet those short little boogers only work a month or two a year max! Now, that is not a disability my friend that is bargaining power! I bet that Midget baby guy in "the last beating of Christ" won't have to work again for the rest of his short life. Get it, short life... Bad joke. Anyway, long story short (sorry I'll stop) midgets have it good. Let's stop feeling sorry for them shall we.

It's great to be a midget in December. Unless you live any place it snows more than a couple feet of snow.

PEACE.

The holidays...

2004-11-24T09:58:00.000-06:00

Thursday is thanksgiving and the start of the holiday season. That being the time of year when everyone stops their diets and eats whatever they can con their relatives into baking for them. I make it a point to hit two house holds each year for my fill of meat and pie. Ok, so I don't do it because I want to. It is more of a "have to" kind of thing. When you live in the same area as your parents and in-laws you become their holiday slaves for the day.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are one of the few days that the older generation celebrate their manipulative control over you, that and the birth of our lord and savior Jesus Christ of Nazareth the redeeming saint of all that is holy and sacred. oh, and the blesser of the food.

They start by forcing you to come over to their houses for the holiday all the while knowing that if you say no they will go into a sad whimper and tell you how much they will hate not having you there and seeing you stuff your face with their home made pies. Forget the fact that they live 20 mins. from your house and never once have invited you over for homemade pie the other 363 days of the year, not even on holidays like Halloween. This is just a chance to show you who is boss.

Once they get you to the house it is time to assert control in a different way. By stuffing you with their holiday food products. They will start the process by making more food than the cast of the biggest loser could eat in one day. Pies and stuffing and dead animals of all kinds will be stretched across any flat surface they can find in their houses. From there they move to phase two. This phase is to get you to eat more than you want of everything until you are so stuffed you can't do anything but sit in their house until they are ready for you to leave. If you do get the strength to try and leave before they are ready they will offer more food to you over and over until you are crippled by your own unwillingness to stop eating.

Now, don't say no or you'll be a bad guest. That is what our parents have taught us since we were all three years of age. All the better for control of us later. They will remind you many times that they did suffer in the kitchen for hours on end for you to have all that food that you don't really want but can't stop eating. This is just another form of control for them. Never underestimate their sneakiness! Moms are ruthless people. How do you think they convinced your dad to knock them up in the first place?

So, how do you go about getting out of this ritual and into real life on this hollowed day of giving thanks and eating meat and pies. Well you can start by simply moving. You can move as far away as you can from them. Somewhere it is hard to travel from this time of year. You can get a job that makes you work holidays. You can do anything to escape the wrath of this day and have a day of peace for yourself...

That being said, we all know that none of this will ever really work. We all know that our moms will travel three days in the snow and ice drenched in their own tears fighting off dogs, bears, and antelope to make sure that you feel guilt for not doing the same thing to get to them on this blessed holiday.

So on this holy day of thanks giving and manipulation of your young, sit back, relax, and enjoy the pie... SUCKER.

Christian self empowerment and the hell sells pitch ... Oh, and homeless chics are easy!

2004-11-18T07:09:00.000-06:00

I was watching the 700 club today and saw Rebecca St James talking about her new book SHE. First off, that wasn't her song, and second... Wait, why was I watching the 700 club? Anyway, SHE stands for... I can't remember... Something dumb that I must have blocked out of my mind but I know the E stands for empowerment. Now I don't know about you but I didn't think Christianity was about self empowerment. Am I wrong or isn't it about death to ones self and suffering and that kind of thing?

I also had a discussion about hell this week and someone told me that It didn't really matter to much if hell existed to Christians but it does help with the non-Christian people. So, that's our sells pitch... Yippee for us. Come get out of hell for free and live a self empowered life. Why can't we just sell it for what it is. God is your creator. Christ your redeemer. These things are true. Now what are you going to do about it? Live a life the way he would want you to, showing your gratitude toward him for what he has done for you? Or live selfishly? Christianity is not the easy life. It is one of selflessness, suffering, and gratitude. Not very sellable I guess.

Sorry. Back to old Rebecca Saint Empowerment: When does being a spoiled over made up CCM pop star give you the right to become the Christian Dr. Phil? So your from the land Down under and have nice set of pipes. Whip-dee-freakin-do! Maybe SHE just is not "pure any more and needed something else to preach on... Ok that last one was a little mean. I take that back. She seems like a nice lady. Not at all easy or slutty.

Speaking of easy and slutty... Word on the street is that Homeless Chics are just that. My Homeless buddies tell me that these ladies put out a lot. I am not sure what is worse, these women being willing to have sex with sweaty homeless guys or the fact that these guys are proud enough to share this fact with me. People say that being homeless isn't fun. They sure haven't met the guys I know.

ok, that's all I have. I rambled to much on the last one I did so I will leave this short and sweet! Something about slavery that gets me going though. Got to love the concept. It is a lot like pacifism, and communism in the fact that it looks good on paper but doesn't work in real life.

PEACE

Women make better slaves...

2004-11-14T13:08:00.000-06:00

I recently had a discussion with a friend on another site about the idea of slavery. It got me to thinking about how this could help the economy of our nation. Think about it... free labor. If we made slavery legal for just a few years we could easily balance the budget and re-focus our government money. So that being said, who would we choose to be the slaves for those few years it would take?

My friend suggested white Men and I think that is a feminist mistake. This being mostly because I am a white man, but I have a few other reasons as well. For starters There are just to many white men in our country, and most of them own guns and would love to have an excuse to put them into use on something other than deer. I also think that most of them will not be as opened minded as I am and be willing to give themselves up as slaves for a few years for the greater good of the country. So with so many "cracker" men in the states the whole thing would fall apart and a huge fight would break out. This could not only put and end to our plans of putting slavery back into action it could destroy our country as a whole. Although the deer of our country might thank us for the brief vaction.

Now, that would make it seem that we need a small minority to pull this off. We are a free society so we would have to vote this action in. I feel it would be easier to win over a smaller group than a larger one. Common sense tell us that small numbers lose to big so let's go with that.

In that case maybe gays could be the slaves of choice. We have seen how easy it is to get people to vote against them just on principle alone. That marriage act was a completely ridiculous bill and it got passed in several states this year. I bet if we put out a bill to burn all gay people at the stake it would pass on the Baptist vote alone. Anyway, this makes them an easy target for our slavery plan. The problem with this is how in the world are we going to be able to pick them out of a line up. All it would take is for gay women to start acting like women, wearing dresses and make up, and the men to keep their wrists from being limp and all that other straight stuff guys do. For that matter it would be really easy for us to mistake the hetro public for gay people. Ryan seacreast... Which way do we go here? This could go south(no pun intended) very quickly. So that is out. Gays would be a bad choice.

It wouldn't be fair to choose black people. They went through it before. Same with the Indians( sorry: Native Americans... By the way was it America before or after they moved in... Shouldn't it be just native Mother Landers? Isn't that what they called it back then.). Jewish people have also been through the ringer. Although, history does prove that they will stay in slavery for years on end before God comes along and saves them. Then again same problem with them as the gay people. It is hard to tell who's who. That old "throw the money in the air and see who grabs it the fastest" trick never really worked. Beleive me I have tried.

The Chinese make sense on paper but are to well loved among the other races of America, that is except for by black people. The problem there is that black people have proven time and time again that they won't vote in masses. Plus it might be hard to convince black people to vote for slavery them having lived through it as a race and all.

Ok, that rules out most of the races. The only one we could probably get everyone to hate enough to vote with us on are the Arab people. However, they know how to make good bombs and aren't afraid to blow themselves up. That would be a bad choice in my eyes. You have to choose your battles people.

Now, that leaves us with Men, Women, religious groups, and small Children. No, one in their right mind is going to vote for child slavery or try to get it passed. It is working for Mexico but convincing our people of this would prove to difficult to even attempt. The religious groups are out because putting them in slavery may bring on Armageddon, or something worse like TBN re-runs. This would also defeat the purpose of the whole getting our debt under control idea in the first place. No world... Who cares if we are in debt?

OK, that now leaves us with Two Choices, men and women. Why choose women? Well because they would be the easiest to convince into doing something like this on their own accord. We might not even have to vote against them. They might jump into it if we tell them men could do it better. Let me prove my point...

First, Women have a much greater since of civil duty then men do. That will work toward our advantage in this process. The feminists could be swayed with a simple dare. Something like "you wouldn't make as good as slave as a man... You're not strong enough" and they would gladly sign up to prove us wrong. I have seen that one work time and time again. You could also throw in "smart enough" and "cool enough" if that didn't work. Throw in a "nanny nanny boo boo" and they might do it naked.

Next we could kidnap Oprah and make her give a statement that slavery was a good idea for women and we would gain a the confidence and support of the average working women. We could even try and get Doctor Phil on board to say how it would be a great way to lose weight. That would be a double bonus in thier eyes.

It would also be easy to convince Baptist women and many other Christian Women because they have been told to submit their whole lives and this would just be a further step of that "bible teaching". I bet some of them might do it just because their husband asks them to.

I think we could easily convince enough of women that they would vote it in themselves and we could act innocent to the whole thing. We wouldn't even have to get up off the couch to go vote! It would be that easy.

So there you go people. That is why women would make much better slaves than men. It is just that simple. I'll start the petition and pass it around. I think we can get this on the ballot for 2008. What do you think?

My wife is cooler than yours...

2004-11-09T23:43:00.000-06:00

My anniversary is Today and that has me thinking about my wife and our relationship. I love my wife more than life itself. Heck, I might even love her more than I love myself. Now, if you know me you know that's serious. Anyway, I thought I would share with you guys why I love my wife and why I think she is a better wife/spouse than you have or ever will have. (P.S. do not post a reply about how cool your other half is. This is my brownie point musing not yours.)

Now, there are many reasons I love my wife but there is one reason I love her most of all. My favorite thing about her is not the fact she is beautiful, although she is one the few women I know that doesn't need make-up to look good. My favorite thing about her is not that she is incredibly intellectual, even though she is at least 10 times smarter than me and can type a few paragraphs without huge errors, unlike me. My favorite thing isn't even that she makes me possible as a person. That without her I not only would be some dead beat loser, which her mother may argue that I still am, but that I would probably be unable to function in society as a normal person. If she ever left me my withered starved body would soon after be found dead on the floor in the fetal position sucking on my lifeless thumb in a pool of my own tears surrounded by macaroni noodles that I could not heat up to feed myself. This is not an exaggeration.

Ok enough of that. The thing I love about her most of all is that she let's me be me. She doesn't try and change me as a person. She let's me be every bit the loser I am. She doesn't make me cut my hair or wear "grown up" clothes. Heck, she doesn't even make me be a grown up most the time. She allows me to be the center of attention and make a fool of myself by sticking my foot in My mouth even though she is much more interesting person than I am. She allows me to not take anything in life seriously and to make fun of midgets, old people, and anyone I like all the while being the nicest most caring person I know. She even cares about Midgets and old people, if you can believe that.

I could go on and on, and she probably deserves me to since I always get all the attention when we are in public. Like I said, I'm loud. However, the bottom line is that having someone in your life that loves you enough to let you be you is a beautiful thing. Especially if being you means constantly using your spouse as the butt of your jokes and being and all around kind of annoying person that doesn't take anything seriously.

Anyway, that is why I love my wife. She is everything a person should be and inspires me to be something more than what I am (not enough to actually change though), but loves me despite the fact that I am none of those things at all. She has the ability to take every flaw I have and make it work for good.

That is all I really have for this one. Hopefully this will get me some brownie points. I promise not to post this lovey dovey crap more than once year. Sorry to bother you with it. That tingly feeling in your heart is what people call emotion. Go cuddle up with a puppy by a fireplace, drink some coco, and call your loved ones. This feeling of love for mankind will soon pass and you will be able to resume your normal lives. Take advantage of it while you can. Maybe you can even use it to your advantage to get something from someone that you want. Wait that would be wrong... Who cares, just be you. I'll still love you...

Rednecks, sport flags, and Friday night football

2004-10-28T11:43:00.000-05:00

It used to be ("used to be" is redneck for "once was".)easy to separate a Redneck from the rest of the normal citizens roaming the streets of America. They were easy enough to spot with their old beat up ford trucks that had the primer showing, their gun racks, and their Dixie flags. They wore their camouflage hats or their orange hunting hats and clothes that had dear and birds on them. They spoke with a broken English that no one but them could understand and they only shopped at places that sold NASCAR race gear. Places like Wal-Mart and K-Mart, although they pronounce it Wal-mart's and K mart's. This was a redneck. It was easy to tell who they were and easy enough to avoid them, but that was then and this is now...

Their seems to be a problem in our country. I don't know if it was caused by cross breading or some kind of genetic freak of nature but Rednecks are starting to morph into something that is more widely accepted to the general public. They are becoming more of an urban-redneck hybrid, A mixture of hip-hop and country. Who knows where it started for sure but part of the blame can be laid in the hands of people like Ashton kucher, and Christina agulirea, as well as many rock bands across our fine country (using phrases like our fine country and other overly partiotic statements is a sure sign of a redneck). They have infected us with their trucker hats and wallet chains. Copying the fashion world of truck stops and hor houses and bringing it in to our living rooms. The lines have become blurred and it is begining to be a lot harder to tell a Redneck from an overly trendy rock kid each and everyday. This is a national crisis of major porportions!

This may the beginning of what the bible church calls the "end times". You may think I am getting carried away, but look at the facts, The bible spells it out in great detail. Ok, may be not, but if those preachers on TBN can make this junk up and send mass amounts of people to the desert to wait on God then so can I. Ok, back to what I was talking about.

Now, there are ways you can still pick out a redneck. Although it is tougher than before it can still be done. So to help you to not be fooled into the redneck life style. Here are a few signs of redneck that you might miss. If you see you or someone you love falling into this trap help them or help yourself by running. You may also try moving to a city or state where football is not the great american past time.

Highschool football: If the person goes to Highschool football games and is not in football or has no other family ties to the game. Then he is in serious trouble and needs your help.

Sports flags: are a big sign. If you or a friend have these on your cars, houses, or any where else then you have a problem. Being overly involved in sports is one of the first signs of this disease. Don't be fooled by the ever popular magnets that people stick on their cars either. This is still a redneck thing to do. It is just another sad example of Wal-Mart trying to make the redneck lifestyle acceptable to the masses. (we have all known for sometime that Wal-mart is connected to the Anti-Christ)

If the word "quit" comes out of your mouth and sounds more like "kuwhit" then you are too far gone and might as well buy the plaid shirt from Wal-Mart and call it a day. Also words like "Chair" sounding like (chee-air) or any leaving out of certain "useless" parts of words like "hunerd"/hundred or "giss and gat"/this and that.

As mentioned before over expressive acts of patriotisim are also examples that should be watched. Mostly the overly aggressive versions like that of. America kicks A**, Don't tread on the US. That kind of thing. Also if there is ever and "Of" thrown in after the S in USA. That is a very bad sign.

Long story short rednecks are becoming more openly accepted and I think we should push them back in the closet to stay. We don't need anymore Toby Keith types running around destroying our culture. So while it maybe fun to dabble in the language and culture of the Redneck, beware. What you might do just to make fun of or have fun with may begin to transform you. It is kind of like messing with the a cult. It is dangerous.

P.S. if you have a W04 sticker on anything you own you are very much in danger of finding your cousin attractive.

I looks like another four years of Redneck America...VIVA BUSH!

Vote NO for President...

2004-10-27T09:12:00.000-05:00

I Voted today. I got my old ballot out sat on the couch and voted. I am not going to be in town on the 2nd so I had to do one of those absentee ballot things. It just doesn't seem right to me, voting on my couch. The fact that I didn't have to wait in line with the other poor losers to get my card and go in to the cardboard booth (which by the way is really symbolic of what are freedom consists of if you think about it) to cast my vote for seven people I have never heard of so that they can go cast a vote for the candidate that I chose. Yeah democracy!!!

Here is a list of the issues on my ballot and how I voted and why. This may give you some insight into how I think. If you are squeamish you may want to stop reading now. I didn't stick among party lines...

President: I voted for - George W Wiland III, Paul R. Hollrah, M. Colby Schwartz, Diana Gunther, Ken Bartlett, Donald G. Burdick, bob Hudspeth in the hope that they would vote for one George W Bush for President. (Side note: All these people have rich people names like the guy from Giligan's Island.)

I voted for Bush Because let's face the facts. Both these men are Puppets for their parties and are of no real importance at all. So, to get to the meat of the vote you have to look at who the puppet master is. To find this guy follow the arm out of the candidates butt until it hits a face. In this case I feel like the puppet master is Dick "Mother F***ing" Cheney. Now Cheney is a man that in time of War you want on your side. He has balls of steal and is an unwavering killing machine. I bet he could kill is mother using the bones of one of his children and not even bat an eye. That is if he thought they had weapons of mass destruction. To kill them without cause would just be murder. Also, this man was not given the name Dick for no reason. He is one bad man and I like'em. My vote is for Cheney!

congress Senator: I voted for the independent Sheila Bilyeu. Why would I vote for a woman that feels the government has placed a chip in her head and talks to her through it. Well, because she is the only person on the ballot for senator that I would not be afraid to leave in the room with small children. Those other two guys creep me out a bit. They are the type of guys that years later people will say "they were always so quiet. We never thought they would be chopping people into bits in their basement."

Representative District 5: This was a case of Bert Vs. Ernest. Now I don't know what caused the two Seaseme Street buddies to run against each other but I am guessing it was a bad break up. They were the first gay couple on TV. I voted Istook because he has spiffy nerd glasses. Besides what kind of name is Bert for a powerful leader anyway.

Judges: I voted yes for all judges because I didn't know who they were. I figure if I haven't heard your name in the news you are probably doing a good job and staying out of trouble. Besides I don't really care about enough stuff for them to offend me with a decsion.

Sheriff: I voted for Whetsel... He lived down the street from me when I was kid and gave me candy. I was bribed.

Now to the all important issues of our day... (Side Note: Yeah right.)

State Question 705: Yes. Brings in the lottery to our state. People always ask "is that what Jesus would do". I hope he would give lot's of money to children while allowing us the freedom to screw our lives up. Yes, that is what Jesus would do.

State Question 706: Same thing, Give money to kids blah blah... gambling.

state Question 707: No, Something with taxes and I couldn't understand it. Hence, don't know what you are voting for then just vote no.

State Question 708: No. Again rainy day fund, blah blah... NO.

State Question 711: NO!!!! Definition of marriage. Why should our government have the right to tell me what is moral. I think this completely stupid and Christians need to wake up. Do you want your government to tell you what is ok in life and what is not. Next thing they could pass a law that says having more than two children is considered not a family or marriage is between one white man and one white woman or one black man and one black women .This bill is completely stupid and tells them that the majority should be able to decide what is ok in life. Just ask the question. What if you were in that minority. What if it was a bill to say marriage is between one man and another man and you were not going to be able to marry that hot chick you've waisted all that time being nice to. What would you vote be then?

State Question 712: YES!! Same as 706 except for with more fun games like Video Poker and such. This is my kind of vote. Go Team!

State Question 713: YES!!! This bill basically puts a 4 cent tax on tobacco products. I know that this bill is completely unfair but I hate smokers and this is my way to blow some smoke back in their wrinkled up faces. It's pay back for making me suck in second hand smoke while I eat, shop, or do anything where you are puffing on your sticks of death. If you are going to take me down with you then you are going to have to pay the bill for it! I guess I am a little bitter, huh.

State question 714: NO. Something about houses. Really bored of voting at this point so just voted no. I think something good was on TV and I had met my reading limit for the day. They should really look at passing a bill that limits the number of things we vote on all at once. I have a short attention span.

State Question 715: YES. Helping veterans... No brainer... If they survive war I will give them some good tax breaks. I mean they are in a wheelchair for the rest of their lives to save my right to buy donuts at a reasonable price. I owe that much to them.

Next time I will Just Vote NO for president and be done with it!

A battle Ground state...

2004-10-22T23:39:00.000-05:00

I have spent the last few days hanging in Ohio. From what I hear this is a major battle ground state for the "War on Terror". SIDE NOTE: Do you think it is by strange chance that War starts with "W". Think about it...

Anyway, I am here in a swing state and can see that the candidates are putting a lot more effort into these people then they are me and mine back in OK. I guess size does matter, or at least poulation anyway. It is obvious that we are definitely not as important back home. For Pete sake, Mr. "Gun Control" Kerry was out hunting down defenseless geese a few days ago to show these gun packing rednecks in Ohio that he can shoot with the best of them. Word on the street is the goose he shot was brought down with the old switcharoo trick.

Anyway, the land where football reigns king has now become more of a game of politics. It's team Kerry Vs. Team Bush. I believe this is going to get ugly. People may actually turn out and vote, they may just give a lick who wins, and this may get better rating then the superbowl for once in the history of america.

I have a feeling there may be riots after this election is over. Good thing I will be in downtown L.A. on November 2nd. Anyway, The people I talk to here in Ohio say that this is going to be a close race but that Bush should win the state.

I didn't do an official poll or anything to come up with my results. However, I did see that Bush had bigger signs then Kerry here in the area I was in... He may just be over compensating For his "Dick and cheney" though.

I leave you with this thought. The way our voting system is set up all it would take is for all the Gay people, or any other extreme group of voters, to move to a state with a low population and they could start a political take over. They could take the state over and make it a possible swing state, there by making it important to the voting process. Then they can Take over the election and hold it at bay until they are accepted. I AM AN EVIL GENIUS!!!!! OK Gayies , that one is free, the next one you pay for. (Gayies is a term that means gay people. It is a new slang word that is non-offensive or insulting in anyway. I named it. It has a nice ring to it.)

Ok, I am going to bed. I apparently need sleep. I will edit later!

Looking for a church...

2004-10-15T11:44:00.000-05:00

There comes a time in every man's life when he has to come to the realization that hanging out with his friends drinking beer and discussing whether or not God is a man, woman, or this weird "HE-she-it thing" is not going to church. It's fun, but church it is not.

Anyway, lately I have decided I need to find a church to go to... Yippe for me, Right? WRONG!. Church sucks, and this is going to be a long hard process. The problem isn't that I want a perfect church. I have given up on that. Now I am just looking for something I can tolerate enough to go to on a Sunday morning and not feel like I am wasting my life.

My biggest issue is that I need a laid back church that goes with the flow and let's God move. I hate old church, high church, or whatever it is called! I hate the stand up sit down thing, and the liturgy thing, I even hate the church calendar. It bores me. I have a calendar with kitties on it that does me fine at home. I don't need some robed dude to tell me what to set my clock by. I hate structure but I know it's needed. I don't mind doing the rituals just not for ritual sake. I want this stuff to mean something and not just be something we do because our calendar that some old guy wrote in 1800 and whatever tells me too. I don't want to sing to a wall covered with words just to do it either. I want it to mean something more than than just showing up and going through the motions.

Anyway, I also hate all this new church junk as well. I hate the materialism and the "me, me, me" whoreship (that was a type-o but I think it was Freudian).

Q: So how am I going to find a church that isn't caught up in tradition for the sake of it and isn't full of the "me me me" stuff?

A: I'm not.

Q: why?

A: People are involved.

I think it is time we, as my friend Brent told me last week, quit looking for the perfect church and just commit to a body of believers. Church is not about us. Church is about God.

So, that being said,I am now looking for a church that I think I might be able to commit to. That is to say, as much as a person who is gone most every weekend of the month can commit to a church.

Know of any in the Oklahoma City Area? (NOTE: if you mention a church that I already hate or go to and then hate I will make fun of it and you on this page and every where I go. BE CAREFUL AND CHOOSE WISELY)

Here is a list of things I know I don't want in a church. so don't even suggest any like this.

Their website can not be "church.TV" anything with that "TV thing" and I walk.

Their logo can not have any kind of "hip" metal looking graphics. For that matter, I don't even want them to have a logo.

No pictures of their pastor and his "cute" over made wife on anything.

No catching slogans or selling themselves as "real", post-modern, or artsy. This is much like a person calling him self honest or humble. It just ain't true.

That is all I will give you for now I am sure there are more things I can not deal with. There has to be... or I might be at church.

Why Balls may prove that God doesn't exist, or something like that...

2004-10-05T11:31:00.000-05:00

Balls, Nuts, The Family jewels, and whatever else you want to call them. Men have'em and women want them. Take a moment and think about all the names they have been given trough out history. Heck think of all the names they have been given by you and your friends. Through history it has been a right of passage for men to name thier balls. You know old Noah probably had a list a mile long as he sat on that boat trying to avoid his wife not wanting to clean up after the two of every kind of stinky animal that he had on the huge floating barn he called a boat . I wonder if while hiding behind the lion cage he ever wondered if there was a reason why his balls came in pairs as well.

Every Guy should have a name for his private area. It makes you a more well rounded person. I hear Dr. Suess called his the jang-janglers and that Bush refers to his as his Dick and Cheney... I am sure that is some inside joke that he wouldn't want us to know so don't go spreading that around.

Balls, much like the rest of our body parts, are taken for granted and go mostly unnoticed unless something goes wrong with them. For Example: If they itch, or smell, or if we accidentally sit on them or something of that nature. At that point we start to take notice of them and everything around them.. Well, recently I have taken notice of my boys. I will spare you the details of why, but I will say that I have re-named them Itchy and Scratchy. Okay...

So anyway, I have been think a lot about this and I just don't get it. My first thought is "what could God have been thinking!". Balls?? Think about it, these things are two little football shaped flesh things attached to small cords held in our bodies with a skin sack. That is an odd thing for an all powerful being to come up with in his spare time. I can see God mow sitting in the garden of Eden...

(dream sequence - add eerie music sound and fade out here)

He has old Adam all done but he's not totally happy with his final masterpiece. He is being extra picky mostly because he is trying to get past the whole platypus fiasco of wednsday. The angels are still whispering about that event and that was days ago. He knows a goof up on this one could keep them talking for centuries to come. So he looks Adam over and decides that this Penis thing he gave him just isn't working for him. It needs something to give it some pazzaz. He looks at the tree and notices some apples on a branch hanging there every so lightly and thinks "that might be what the doctor ordered". Well, Turns out that when you place fleshy fruit between someone's legs with a few veins attached it doesn't work out so well. The things just kept falling off "the branch" and hitting the ground. Now, while the detachable tale worked well with his lizard creation this is a whole different thing that might be bad to lose. So, after much thought it hit him like a bag of rocks. "Peanuts!" He covered the whole thing up to hold it in and called it a day. Shortly after that he invented pants to cover it up because it seemed to creep eve out a bit. Anyway, that is how the balls came to be. (I think you can find that story in the catholic bible some where between the exploding dragon eating cakes and revelation.

(End Dream Sequence)

I don't know what your thoughts on this whole evolution Vs. Creation thing is, but balls seem to put a kink in the creation argument for me. That is unless you believe the story I just told above about the fleshy fruit and all. Balls are one of the few things that seem to be and example of a pure mistake. Why would an all knowing God make such things? It doesn't seem to fit rational thinking that we would put balls on a human being or any other creature for that matter. Balls are a mystery to me and always will be. You would think he could have come up with a better way to do this whole thing.

However, this does leave one to wonder what came first the balls or the shaft? Answer that Mr Science!

I'm OUT.

Whinny guys with acoustic guitars are not emo so stop crying about it.

2004-09-26T22:27:00.001-05:00

NEWS FLASH: DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL IS NOT EMO He is a song writer that used to be in an emo band called Further Seems Forever, but he is not emo!

The problem with music is people go from trend to trend never knowing what trend comes from the last, let alone all the history behind it. For example, Green Day is not old school punk. They are a "pop" punk band that spawned from great punk bands that spawned off of other great punk bands before them. That is if punk can be considered great... That is for a different discussion though. I will say that you should know at least five chords before you start a band and play in public!

That said let's get back to this emo garbage!!!

I shouldn't even have to tell you people that Dashboard, yellowcard, and story of the year are not emo music. You should have paid attention to music history enough to know that they strayed off course to much to be so. Anyway, Let's dive into this and see if you can keep up.

(warning: if you don't care about music and/or listen to Easy listening stop reading hear!!!!)

Emo, which stands for Emotional music, was and still is not about sharing about how some girl broke your heart into pieces and left it lying on the floor. It was never about crying together at camp fires and sing along songs that make your heart all warm and fuzzy. It was and is about technical music that rocked. It is an aggressive music that uses different time signatures to create mood to draw the listener into the music. It is not about jumping off you amps doing flips and singing about a string being slow spinning redemption or some such crap like that. Bands that are called Emo these days are nothing more then pop music with guys whining about chics and taking walks downtown. I am not against that music. I like some of it. It is just not Emo music. Emo isn't even about the words, it is about creating feeling with music. So if you like this new stuff that is great, just stop calling it emo. Just because it is not cool to call your self a singer song writer or a pop band does not make it ok for you to call yourself something you are not.

PEACE.

The Nashvegas homeless rock...

2004-09-26T01:08:00.000-05:00

Spent a few days in Nashvegas and had some fun. Met a lot of people. Some were famous, some were homeless, all were interesting.

Some of my favorite types of people are either drunk and/or homeless. Both types tend to open up and speak what they are about and how they feel at that moment in time. They also tend to be fairly interesting and more fun to talk with then your average person.

Spending time in Nashville is always entertaining for me. I seem to both love and hate the place. It is crawling with the kind of people that make me sick, those making money off of Christ's name and not even caring, however I am attached to the place for some reason and am drawn to it like a fly into a bug zapper.

While I was there on this trip I ran into many people of different classes and social structures. All of wich suprised me with who they are and and entertained me with their lives.

I ran into an "Irish-Homeless-drunk" that was going to swim back across the Atlantic to get away from our country if Bush was Elected president. When asked why he liked Kerry so much he responded "because he isn't bush and he's a liberal" This sounds like the reasoning of most the people I know voting for old horse faced Kerry. Anyway, he blames Bush for his unemployment... I blame my mom for mine. She didn't breast feed me when I was young.

I also met a drunk college grad at a bar who doesn't know what he is doing with his life and is trying to deal with "real life" out of school. Sounds like, for the most part, he is no better off then the homeless guy... He did smell better though. I am sure if he lays off the sauce he will get a good job soon. Maybe his mom didn't breast feed him when he was young either.

I met an old black homeless lady who was trying to con money off my friend. Mid-way through this she turned to me and took a long pause with her hand to her chest as if she were taken a back and says "oooh, you got some bedroom eyes". Now, I don't know exactly what bedroom eyes are but I am pretty sure it has something to do with me and her doing things that I am not comfortable with. This gave me what I call the "heeby jeebees". uuugh! I think maybe this lady was breast feed to much.

Anyway, had a great time in Nashvegas meeting all the peeps.

That is all I have. Just a quick note to get something new up.

PEACE, LOVE, and MONKIES!

Reluctantly making fun of Gay people.

2004-09-20T14:18:00.000-05:00

OK, I promised I would do this along time ago. I promised I would make fun of gay people because they need to be made fun of. So, even though my bitterness against them has subsided I will still do it in order to feed the ugly mob their thrashing of the day. Besides who better to make fun of then the lovable gay community that no one ever picks on... Right?

Ok, my problem with the gay community started back on my visit to the great state of Ohio. From the time I spent there I am guessing this is the new San Francisco. Home to gays on parade and all sorts of fun things like that. The art district, where I spent most of my time while in town, is also known the gay shopping district. This came as a shock to me. All this is probably my fault for liking art and not being a flaming homosexual. Anyway,Let the story begin...

As we walked around in the area. My lovely wife and I made our way into a book store called the "open book". Now we should have known simply by the name that this wasn't your average heterosexual bookstore with books about normal heterosexual things. We also missed the proud flying rainbow flag and the huge lesbian chic behind the counter that should have been a dead give away to what we were getting ourselves into. However, clueless as we are, we walked right in and started looking around. The Lesbian Chic behind the counter was staring me down the whole time as I looked at the CDs, all this time I am just wondering why there were so many Rickey Martin Discs in one place and thought she might be embarrassed of them being there. It was like a rogue shipment of crappy music had landed here on this poor unsuspecting book store and they were stuck with trying to sell them.

Now, as I did that Christie made her way around the book section, she likes to read, go figure. As she starting walking she noticed a lot of strangely gay things but was not shocked into the realization until of where she was until she was confronted with a huge picture of man's penis staring her right in the face. Now, I don't know if it was just seeing the penis or if it was her coming to the realization that she was missing out by being with a man of much smaller proportions then the one in the picture that sent her into the tizzy and running for the door. Either way she came running over to me and it was time to leave the store. The lesbian Chic was still staring at me. Probably wondering why this Hot short haired chick would be wasting her time with a man. Anyway, we left the store and wondered the rest of the "gay strip" finding that they even had their own gay magazine(it was actually quite well written and entertaining). It was a very gay day in general that ended with us at a teapot art exhibit. Now that is gay if I've ever seen it!

Ok now, I am not one to tell people what to put, where to put, or let be put where. I think that is best left for the person to deide. However, I do wonder why gay people are so caught up on the sex thing. Is it because that is the only thing that separates them from others? Another question I have is if you want to be considered normal would you wear a shirt that says "hey look at me I am different"? I don't think yo would. Gay people are not relating to people on normal levels as much as they should. Instead Gay people have flashy parades so everyone can laugh and think how crazy and zany those funny gay people are. Look at how different they are in their pink feather boas and all that funny clown type stuff they are wearing. It is very hard to take a person seriously if he is wearing a shirt that displays a naked man holding a heart shaped balloon over his penis. For once I would like to see a gay man or woman make news that wasn't a reject from the "I was born a woman in a mans body" club. I would like to see a woman not looking like a man or some kind of Roseanne reject. Maybe just a normal Joe that happens to like to make out with other normal Joes but doesn't make a big deal about it. Now, that would be different.

Ok that's it on gays... Like I said the passion is long gone to make fun of them. However, here are a few list if things I like and don't like about gay people and their impact on our culture.

things I don't like about gay people

Men wearing pink (see my blog on this). The gays are to blame for this and I will never forgive them for that.

Women just wanting to be friends. I know the gay guys had something to with that as well. I can't prove it but I know it.

male Gymnastics. This is not a good sport. Stick to cheerleading.

things I do like about gay people

Icecapades. Good job very entertaining stuff. It is very difficult to skate in a Mickey costume. I give them big props for that.

the I am gay excuses to break up with chics. Works every time.

last but not least... Making it ok for straight women to kiss. That is one men will owe gay people for forever.

Ok that is all I got

P.S. Homophobia is Gay!

Prozac will destroy the world...

2004-09-14T23:10:00.000-05:00

"PROZAC WILL KILL YOUR BABIES", how is that for a catchy slogan? Maybe even something more catchy like "the purple pill that kills".

A new study came out that says that kids taking prozac are more likely to kill themselves then those that were taking a placebo. Let me say that again for you... KIDS THAT ARE TAKING PROZAC ARE MORE LIKELY TO KILL THEMSELVES!

Now normally this is side effect I would over look in a drug. However, if you are unaware, Prozac is an antidepressant drug. It is suppose to make you not want to kill yourself. That is why I think this drug should be pulled from the shelves right away before it causes the worlds demise.

What's next...

Old horny men that take viagra are less likely to have an erection than those old horny men taking a placebo. Aspirin that makes you more likely to get a headache. How about cold medicine that makes you more likely to get the flu . Heart medication that makes you more likely to die of a heart attack. Birth Control, cancer medication, Anti-poop meds... What is the world going to do?

We are selling a drug to our kids that does the opposite of what it is suppose to do. This is a major problem. Think of what this could do to our society as a whole.

Forget about the stupid depressed kids for a moment, they should just become Goth and call it a day. They could also go emo. They could just throw on some girl pants, listen to Dashboard Confessional, and cry in large groups with all their other little depressed emo kid friends... Okay, back to my point. Let's think about the precedent this sets for us. Soon low fat bread could actually be more fattening. We could sell anything we wanted as what it is opposite of... The world would be nuts and we would call it sane. It would be like a never ending opposite day (you know you did that when you were a kid). Anyway, this could end free enterprise as we know it... The world economy could crash and the anti-Christ could raise from the ashes and take over the world!!!

...Or maybe I have been watching a little to much TBN lately. Ok, I will leave this horse alone. Have a nice day and stop taking you anti-emotion meds. Sadness makes us appreciate joy.

"The Moon"...

2004-09-13T22:27:00.000-05:00

I was asked to give my thoughts on the moon landing and if it was faked. So here you go...

If you are a skeptic on things of this nature than why stop with the moon landing. The whole world, or moon in this case, is your oyster. Let's probe deep into the heart of the matter and see what the government is really up to shall we. We all know that the only thing more corrupt and sneaky than the US government is the Pope and his crew. You know old pookypriest77 has some tricks up his long white sleeves. Those crazy people on Punk'd are also sneaky although they use their powers for Good by going after the rich and powerful.

To get to the bottom of this one has to ask a three simple questions. What do we really know about the moon, Can we even prove that it is real, and is it made of cheese.

Think about this:

The moon, much like Santa Clause, has been a story for kids for years and years.(Just incase you didn't know Santa is not real. The government made him up to cover up an alien landing in the early years) Think about this. First it's the moon is made of cheese, the cow that jumped over the moon, and the man on the moon. These are all ways the government has used propaganda to warp the minds of our youth into believing that the moon is real. They go further as we get older and start saying that the tides are controlled by its gravitational pull and all that nonsense in sciene class. My question is has anyone done a test to see if the Moon was removed from the equation if the tide would be the same? ummm... NO. Why you ask... COVER UP!

You might say well I see the moon every night it has to be real. WRONG! The fact that the moon only shows up at night is more proof that is not even there. Where does it go? They say the other side of the world but that is a bunch of bull because the world has no sides. It is round!!!! round means no sides... OH I GOT YOU ON THAT ONE DIDN"T I YOU CRAZY US GOVERNMENT! Is the world round or does the moon go to the "other side"? Make up your mind people. Besides it is always changing sizes and shapes and colors. If this is not proof it is fake than I don't know what is. The government is obviously using some sort of projection device to place the moon in the sky. It is their way of tricking us into going to bed and allowing time for their alien buddies to take our livestock and rednecks back to their home planet for experiments of a sexual nature.

OK, you can obviously see where I am going with this, or maybe not. Sure the government could have faked the landing. They have been known to fake a few things in their time. However, if we are going to start living are lives in paranoia then we are all doomed to become Michael Jackson. Who cares if the government went to the moon or not. It has made for some great movies and T.V. specials. Oh, and some great T.V. ratings.

I will say that their is good evidence on either side that it could have been faked and/or could have been real. I think this is a lot like most things in the bible that we try and figure out with our heads. We get so caught up on the facts that we forget to read the story and see what lessons are to be learned from it. Anyways, the man on the moon is really a monkey named Spank and he lives off the high cheese content of its land. He is also not very regular in the popping department.

Okay, that is all I have for ya.

Share the love...

2004-09-07T23:14:00.000-05:00

As A quick note I want to let everyone know that you can now annoy your friends and co-workers with my thoughts by email. That's right you now have the ability to spam the ones you love with my ramblings. Just click at the little envelope at the bottom of the post of your choice and send it to them. Heck, if your feeling really evil just give me a topic that might annoy them and I will write it up for you and you an personalize it. I am all about making people's lives...umm.. better. Anyway, Just thought I would share the love with you peeps!

...

Corn, Cows, and the evolution of the world...

2004-09-04T16:59:00.000-05:00

As I was driving through Iowa my mind began to meditate on corn. Probably because I had been staring at it for the last two days out a van window. It makes me think many thoughts like “you never really see wild corn”. Corn is not like berries. It doesn't just sprout up anywhere it pleases. Corn seems to be pretty content on staying where you put it. If you plant it in straight lines it doesn't go out of that box. Wheat will sprout seeds and try to spread and escape your grasp. So will most other plants. Not corn, it is apathetic to the whole freedom thing. Corn is happy to stay where you put it and feed your masses with its wonderful kernels of butter overd goodness. Where did corn come from and how could it have survived all these years with out us?

That makes me think of another thing that just doesn't seem to be able to cut it in the wild. Have you ever heard anyone say the phrase “look out it’s a wild cow”? No you have not heard that. Cows can’t survive on their own. They live for the sole purpose of being eaten. Maybe they are too dumb to run. Maybe they know if they do run they will just be eaten by something else that will be a lot more violent then just simply chopping thier head off. Maybe, and I may be stretching this, they know that God let them survive the flood just to be food for others. Who knows, maybe cows are calvanists? All I do know is they seem to be in no hurry to escape and would probably be extinct in a matter of months if they were all let go into the wild. Think about that PETA. The only thing keeping you precious cows alive are the people you hate...

Anyway, that leads me to the thought that you will never ever hear someone say the words “I am mute” and not be feeding you a line of bull. That may be one of the only phrases in the human language that can’t be said in truth. Well, that and the others like it “I can’t speak” or “I can’t talk”. Those are all really the same though. You get the point.

Ok, back to things that can’t survive on their own. Why is it that we as people try and conserve nature? Why do we keep things alive that can’t survive on their own? Isn’t that all part of evolution? Why is it that the church people are the ones that are opposed to conservation? they don’t believe in evolution. It is the people that are evolutionists that want to save every living creature. How in the world does that help the process along? Here is my final question… Why are both of these groups not living out their belief system? If they truly believed in what they say they believe they would be doing what the other is doing. Am I missing something?

Ok, so this mostly came from me being bored in a van but it’s a valid question I think. Anyway, by suggestion I am going to give my theory on this so called moon and the “landing” of people on it. I will save that for next time.

Peace… no more ding-dongs

Jesus, Drugs, and Camping down town...

2004-08-31T21:09:00.000-05:00

I have been doing a lot of driving lately. Not my normal cross country driving. More of the taking vagrants to work kind of driving variety. I have been doing this in my "spare time" to make a little extra cash while I am home. It is has been kind of entertaining in a weird way. I get to meet all kinds of interesting people and discuss lot's of different things like drugs, boose, ladies, and "flogging you log" (that is what the guy called it. I am not making this up).

Anyway, I have a friend who always says he wants to become a bartender so he can meet people and have interesting conversations about God with them. This is what this job has become to me in some respects. I had three very interesting conversations the other the day and I thought I should share them with you people. These conversations started at 5am:

The first guy I talked to while driving him out to the middle of no where to do electric work. I found out he was an artist that sculpts wire into different shapes without breaking it. He said the daily Oklahoman hails him as "Oklahoma's most mysterious artist". He doesn't do the show circuit, or fairs, or any of that garbage. He wants his art to be fun, not a job. On top of all this I also learned that the man found God through a strange act of nature. He was struck by lighting. Now a Christian the man grew up with a Buddhist father and Muslim mother. He more than anything grew up confused. After getting struck by lighting and almost being shocked to death he decided he needed to figure out this whole God thing for himself. He began to study things for himself. This lead him to a local Christian book store to buy a bible. He stared at the "wall of bibles" and almost left because he was confused at the mass number. There were so many different kinds he didn't know which one could be the right one. Finally a nice man came and picked one out for him and actually bought it for him(what do ya know a nice Christian that God can use). He began by reading John. He said he just felt a spirit come over him and he got convicted. That day he gave his life to Christ and never looked back. He didn't get Baptised until many years later after convincing his church he didn't need to in oder to be a member. He also told me a kind of wacky way that he looks at Gods power. He does do electric work after all.

Now the second guy who was moved to talk because the last guy told me how he needed to get his life together. He told me how he used to make money by selling coke and other drugs until he found himself addicted and strung out. He used to do this constant stream of beer, coke, and weed. Down, up, down he called it. Did I also mention that he was an alcholic? Anyway, he went into rehab and found that the Christian organization didn't treat him very well and took his dignity from him ( sounds like church to me). Around the same time his girlfriend tossed his ID and wallet into a river and he had quit his job to join rehab. Now where can you get a job with out ID? The place I work. Where can you get a place to stay? The City mission. So this guy is now homeless and trying to find a new start on life. Kind of... He is still an addict who spends most of his pay check on boose and women and is constantly talking about spanking his monkey. It is going to be a long haul for him. I wish him the best he is nice guy and I am sure his monkey is very happy.

The third guy I met lives down town, enjoys going to events like the grand opening of the downtown library and also lives in a tent... That's right you read correctly. He camps down town. He says it's low over head. He walks to the out skirt of the City and finds some grass hikes up his tent and sleeps. He finds a place to shower in the morning and you could never tell by looking at him that he is homeless. He has no plans to not live this life other than the fact that the new highway is going to be placed where he camps so he thinks by this time next year he will have to have a new place to live.

Now all three of these guys seem pretty smart. It seems they just fell into some bad times or just can't get themselves into some good times. Either way I would recommend to anyone to do this job for a while. It is a great way to meet real people that need God's love shown to them. Much better than talking with drunk people with homes in a bar. These guys are the after math of that life style.

One draw back is that the smell of Vagrant does not come out that easily. I can't seem to wash it off. Maybe it's all in my head.

PEACE not homes.

Ricki Martin has nothing on me...

2004-08-26T13:20:00.000-05:00

I live the crazy life. That is for sure.

Here is a list of things that I will truly say qualify a person as having a crazy life. It is also a list of things that I have done in the last week.

being in a hotel room with 7 naked guys and 1 guy duct taped to a chair.

Watching men do what is called Penis Art. This is the art of shaping your Penis into different objects. Think balloon sculpting but more disgusting.

hugging a naked man goodbye... (is it me or all these things having to do with naked men)

eating at IHOP with a celebrity.

Having a homeless man buy you a litter of water from a gas station

Driving a van full of angry vagrants as they scream at you about getting them "home" and about how it is hot outside.

Watching someone take communion to a Celion Dion song.

Staying up for over 24 hrs straight for no reason.

That is all I have. I told you I live the crazy life... Oh, just incase you are wondering, I am straight, and so are the other guys that were in the hotel room. It's a long story.

As a side note, here is a thought: If all sins are the same and being Homosexual is no worse than lieing what are politicians not trying to make it illegal to lie. uhmm... Maybe because that is a sin they like to do. Ok, that is all I have for you.

DO AWAY WITH ALL GOVT RIGHT TO MARRIAGE. That is my stance and I am sticking to it.

PEACE, Get naked

ONE MORE THING> I found this and thought it was very interesting. Let me know if you have any thoughts. I won't give you mine. I will let it speak for itself. This is a quote from barry landis when asked "Why have Christian music sales been able to resist the downswing that's affected other genres?"

"people who buy our music are more like lifestyle customers than just music fans: They're buying books, buying Bibles, they're buying inspirational books, jewelry, T-shirts, greeting cards, plaques, pictures, sayings that are framed and hung on the wall and all kinds of accoutrements-and they're buying the music."

Restroom Etiquette for the truck stop savvy...

2004-08-16T13:52:00.000-05:00

Men are not much for etiquette. They eat with their hands, pick their nose in public, and generally don't have many rules about how to act to be accepted. However, this all changes as you step into the "men's room". I Should know, I spend a lot of time with my pants down around strangers in truck stops across the country (I just realized how much that last sentence made me sound like a male prostitute).

The fact is men have very important un-written rules about how one should behave in a bathroom, or "pooper", as it is called in the more up scale places like truck stops and such. The rules like men seem simple on the surface but have many variables to consider.

For starters the bathroom is a no talk zone. Much like elevators or libraries it is quiet time for all in the room. Except if you are caught whispering in a restroom people shun you for your homosexuality. You see, there is something about having your family jewels out in public that makes most men very homo sensitive. Which leads us to our next rule... Oh, Who am I kidding, all the rules are based on homophobia.

OK, you are to keep your eyes straight a head and no looking at anything below shoulder level. If you drop a dollar you better not even look down at it. You need to just keep walking and consider it a lesson on holding on to your money better. These rules are the staples that carry themselves through the rules a head.

It gets tricky from here.

When dealing with urinals The variables can make your head spin round and round worse than an algrebra test.

Rules of thumb are:

Don't take a urinal next to someone.
If at all possible put as many urinals in between you and the other person as possible.
Never ever look to your side and never make eye contact.

These all start to become cloudy as options come at you faster than a race car in the Indy 500 (sorry bad redneck joke... I told you I spent a lot of time in truck stops).

There could 15 urinals or their could be 1

if their are three urinals and one toilet and their are two guys on each end of the urinals take the toilet. NEVER TAKE THE ONE IN THE MIDDLE.

If there are little barrier walls in between the urinals then all bets are off. You should still try and put as much distance as possible between you and the next guy however the barrier is a protection so that you can take the one next to someone it makes it acceptable. However, do not look to your side and do not make eye contact.

Now if their are four urinals and a guy on each end you are left with a decsion to make. Do you take one of the urinals or do you wait. Now, if you wait people will think you are strange for sure and start to be suspicious of you. However, if you go in you risk getting in someone's personal space. The best thing to do in the case is to quickly weigh the options and see who you think of the two guys are closest to finishing as well as taking in to consideration how much space they take up. Touching would be VERY bad in this case. Also, remember that you are doing all of this while keeping you eyes straight forward and at shoulder level. It is always smart to watch the shoulder for the "Penis shake motion". That is a sure sign of finishing and is perfectly with in the barriers of Restroom etiquette.

Their are many options with urinals and they get even more complicated who you bring in the "pee Tub". This a long wall mounted thing that allows for many "leekers" to go in the same tub. This is not "leeker sensitive"(that was a bad church joke. Ignore it.) Anyway, these things suck and make all of your descions harder.

First, it depends on how long the tub is and what its capacity is. Is it suppose to hold 10? If it is, it can really hold about three at safe spray distance. My best suggestion is if their is a tub and a person using it just hold it. It is not worth the headache.

Ok, Other than the numerous problems with the toilets and urinals there is also the sink and the washing of the hands. You may ask what the issue is, you wash your hands, Right?... Not that simple. First you must always make the call of whether your penis is more dirty than the "restroom" you are in. If it is not then you are probably better off walking out the door and not touching anything. In this case use a paper towel to open the door if it is available. There is also the towel Vs. Blow dryer problem and the Wet counter problem. It is a endless mind game of trouble in the men's restroom. It never ends this mind field of possible screw ups.

Bottom line... If you can hold it hold it. If not for pete's sake keep your eyes at shoulder height.

That is all I have for today. If you didn't see before in my other "restroom" post then now you can see why "restrooms" are not restful for guys.

that is all I have.

PEACE, not carbs.

VAN!!!!!!!!!!

2004-08-10T00:04:00.000-05:00

I am sorry to say that I don't have much interesting stuff to write about. I have been traveling again and have just spent over 24 hours straight in a van driving through the desert. So, I thought I might talk about a few things I learned during that time.

I now know the signs of "van log". These are the signs of being in a van for too many hours at one time and a notice that you are going crazy.

If you start making various objects sing and dance along to the music on the radio. that's a sign.

when you start randomly counting things on the side of the road to keep your mind occupied. that's a sign

If the other Guys (same sex) start looking attractive to you and you start rubbing their legs and and talking "sexy" to them. that is a sign

If the number 444 can keep your mind going in circles for hours just trying to figure out how you can pronounce it different ways. (there a lot ways you can say that I assure you)

If the smell of man BO and fart juice ceases to annoy you. that is a sign (I am starting to feel like jeff fox worthy here)

When the sign of a gas station makes your mouth water knowing that you might get the chance to stand up for a few minutes. that is a sign

That is a sign you have been in the van for too long.

these are just a few of the signs. Some may also include getting calls from celebrities and then calling them your friend because you don't have any other friends that you haven't sexually harrassed in your van during your long drive across the country.

OK, these are mostly inside jokes and most of you won't even think they are funny. I have been trapped in a van for the last 24 hours. What do you expect. Ok I will try to be more entertaining next time.

PEACE. No more van.

So, when ya gonna have a baby?...

2004-08-04T14:46:00.000-05:00

Ok, At least three people have said this to me in the last week or so: "Once you have a baby you can't think of what you did before you had one."

Is this in some yuppie Oprah book about having babies or do all brainwashed parents just say the same things to people to make themselves feel better about giving birth to thier little vagrant to be?

For all of those who have kids let me remind you of what you did before you had babies.

YOU:
1) had sex during the day.
2) had sleep During the night
3) sat down to eat a hot meal and actually ate it.
4) wore clothes that didn't have stains on them
5) went to movies that were not cartoons
6) had fun.
7) had a waste line
8) had interesting things to talk to people about other than kids and kid stuff.
9) thought about something other than kids and kid stuff
10) watched day time TV that had nothing to do with purple Dinos.

Do I really have to do go on here? You did have a life before kids. A good one.

Let's all just quit pretending that life after babies is great and wonderful. It isn't.

It is just life.

P.S. I will have a kid when God himself stops talking to me with that heavenly monthly sign. (look back on my reader suggested topics 1 for more info on that) That is all I have.

PEACE no boogies

The "POPe"... Hip, cool, and the only living person to actually see the birth of Christ.(Part Three of the readers suggested topics)

2004-07-28T20:42:00.000-05:00

So you want to know what I think about the pope do ya. Well, Hear you go.

First, I must say that I am not a catholic so I won't be building a pyramid to him any time soon. However, I do think he is pretty hip for a guy his age, 2000 years is a long time for someone to be a live. I also know that he must be a very wise man. How do I know this? Well he is a hunch back for one. People with the hunch back are always wise. Examples: Yoda, the Dali Lama, my grandma. It seems the more time you spend staring at the floor on a given day the wiser you are. So, he is obviously wise. We all know that.

Here are few facts about him you may not of thought of.

1) He is one of the few "non-Jewish guys" that wears a yamicha (however you spell that. I am ot jewish so I haven't ever had a reason ot know that one).

2) He has had his birthday announced by Willard Scott of today show fame for more years than you have been alive. (he reminds people of this daily)

3) He air guitars to the song "Jesus Freak" by DC Talk when no one is looking.

4) He covers his old man B.O. with the lovely fragrance of holy water and AXE body spray.

5) He hated the passion of the Christ movie and was over heard saying things like "I forget, who's that guy on the cross?", "Can't I just take a nap now?", "Did he fall down again?", "What the heck is that lady holding? Is that a midget baby?", "That bird just ate that guys eye!", and the one that was miss quoted by the press all over the world "It was as it was... If you lived in some alternate universe where everyone falls in slow motion and has midget babies!" (his quotes not mine. You all know I loved the movie.)

6) He says if he could vote he would send both candidates to burn in hell instead of the white house for four years.

7) His favorite food is low carb communion wafers with Swiss (holy get it) cheese. He drinks that with a vodka toinc, his favorite drink.

8) Goes commando under what he calls his white robe of joy!

9) Likes to spend his free time swimming in the church fountain and pretending to baptize people.

10) His AOL IM name is pookythepriest77...

That is what I know about the great pope john Paul ringo dingo the fifth pope of the everlasting order of the 12 tribes of what not and whatever.

He is a nice old man.

I will leave with a world famous quote I heard a children's birthday party. "What have I told you about hitting your friends with jack hammers!" (this really happened)

That is all for the reader suggested stuff. Next I will talk about meaningless junk that I make up myself.

chest hair, waxing your legs, clowns, mimes, and mean little witch doctors in the land down under. (PARTII OF THE READER SUGGESTED TOPICS)

2004-07-21T13:51:00.000-05:00

It is fetish week here at the old "words by eddie" camp and my readers keep sending me these strange things to write about. Mostly I think because these things turn them on. maybe not... Who knows? However, these things that might speak of pleasure for some to small children bring on a entirely different emotion.

All of these things have been known to scare small children right out of their socks. Mimes, clowns, and Small Witch doctors from the land down under are obviously freaky. I will Go on record as saying that I am still a little freaked out by mimes and clowns and I am 27 years old. I think it is their creepy white faces coupled with the fact that they wear white gloves and don't speak.

That sounds a lot like Micheal Jackson now that I think of it. kind of sppoky.
We know what he turned out to be... A CLOWN (kidding... he's a singer I think. I do know that he spends too much time with children).

Anyway something about people who don't talk and pretend to be inside a fake box that is very scary for people of all ages, races, and creeds.   Monks also are scary in this way. Bald little freaks can't talk. Makes you wonder what they are thinking. They walk around in there brown potato sacks with a rope around it... Ooh how I hate those freaky little monks!

Uhm, ok...

While those things are obviously scary to us all it is the hair issues of our own body that we should worry about with our kids. When I was a kid I was always afriad of people with Chest hair( ok, maybe not but follow along for the sake of a possible punch line.). There was something very bear/monster like about them. It was always coming out of thier shirts and freaking me out like little worms or something crawling out of thier collars. If you have Chest hair please tame it. It is for the the greater good of society. When I was young I used to think to myself ( this part is actually true) "man I hope I don't end up like that freak with the hairy chest and arm pitts. Well that worked out for me I guess. At least the chest hair thing did. My arm pitts are hairy beasts. That is why Tank tops are only meant for girls and not men.

Long story short Keep your hair to yourself so not to freak out children. It will scar them and give them eating disorders.  They will end up looking wierd like Paris Hilton or those freaky little Olsen twins. Which by the way... Brings us full circle back to clowns, Michael Jackson, and the past times of the white faced quiet little Children "lovers".

As a last thought.

Don't hire, clowns, mimes, little witch doctors from the land down under, or Michael Jackson to be entertainment at your childs birthday party.

Don't wear tank tops unless your a chic or have to for your job. (such as Basketball player or cast memeber of C.O.P.S)

Most importantly, Don't wax your legs. Waxing your legs is cruel to your soul. Don't do it. At least don't do it in front of me. It looks very painful.

This will conclude our Reader suggested topic part II

Next up in the Reader suggested list "the pope". This should be fun. I hear he died and they are just using his carcus to keep the catholics at bay as they continue to control the world like the wizard behind a curtain. That is until they can elect Hillary Clinton as the next pope john paul the whatever. (Don't act like you don't know who "they" are! you know who they are!)

Peace, NO cheeseburgers.

Menstrual cycles, sheep shearing, and colonoscopies (the first of the readers suggested topics)

2004-07-15T14:07:00.000-05:00

At first glance these three things have nothing in common. Oh, but they do. They have many things in Common.

First, They can all be slang for having what I like to call "the sex". Of course with a dirty mind anything can be made slang for having the sex. Any magazine, advertisement, or catalogue can be turned into a kinky book of sexual innuendo. For that matter it could turn anything into a perverts delight. (Some people I know spend hours looking for this kind of stuff in the names found in thier phone book.) Let me give you some examples since I know you are all a bunch of perverted monkeys in disguise. Heck, some of you would probably even skinny dip at a convent full of nuns.

Ok, I have a catalogue from a furniture store lying on my desk and I am going to randomly turn to pages and tell you what "kinky stuff" it has to offer your dirty perverted minds.

pg. 10 - Textured candles ( Let your minds wonder here.)
pg. 20 - oblong glass pendant lamp. (I am not making this junk up.)
pg. 25 - linen vessels (huh...)
pg. 30 - small unscented votives : 10 hour burn time ( 10 hours seems a bit much for me.)

OK, you get the point. You are all dirty minded freaks. (you know where people like that go don't you... brooklyn. Ba dump ba ching... I kid, I kid!... they go to Texas.)

Now, these things have some stuff in common other than just what your dirty minds have already made them out to be. For example, they all involve things that some men like to have sex with, they all clean this said thing of desire, and they are all things that one of my insane readers wanted me to tell you guys about in my posts.

If you like I could go on about these three things and how they work to make men's lives better. But I won't bore you with them all.

I will just say this: these three things are all very holy in their own way.

The first one is a glorious monthly sign from God that you are not Pregnant (kind of like your own burning bush except not burning so much as... Well you get the point.). What could be better than that.

The second has to do with Sheep, and I know it says something about those in the bible so that is automatically a holy thing.

Last but not least the colonoscopies are just, well...Holy.

I think you get what I am saying. Now Iget to move on to more deep things like Witch doctors from the land down under... You are some sick people that is for sure.

PEACE. NO FIGHTING.

YOU NEED MY ADVICE AND/OR WISDOM

2004-07-12T12:46:00.000-05:00

All right people. I know you have been reading and enjoying my thoughts of wisdom for the past few months. As my world domination grows stronger(see my thoughts on "why Arabs are bad at taking over the world)I am going to ask for your help on a few occasions. The word has been spreading across the great land of ours Through email, through word of mouth, and even through people reading my stuff over the radio. Now I am going to ask you to get involved. Don't worry I am not starting a street team, nor am I asking you to populate the world with me. No, as much as I love you telling your friends about the site I am not asking for that. I want you to help me help you. So. Here is your chance.

Tell me a subject you would like me to write about and over the next few posts I will pick some and give you my wisdom on the subject. Some of you might need advice, some may just want to hear my never humble but always overstated opinion on a subject you are interested in. So let me know what you would like to hear my thoughts on and I will be glad to give it to you. It can be serious or stupid I don't care. You can even try and stump me with something you don't think I will have an opinion on. Should be great fun!

PEACE, LOVE, AND MONKEYS

Toothpaste or Death Gel you decide...

2004-07-07T12:38:00.000-05:00

Have you ever noticed that your toothpaste has a warning on it? A warning not to swallow it and to keep it away from small children. This is the same warning that is on a bottle of Drano or any of the other cleaning supplies you use to clean your toilet(which sometimes I will agree smell very similar).

Does it bother anyone but me that we are brushing our teeth with a poison gel? Would we not be better off Getting Cavities then pouring mint flavored poison down our throat? I have never once heard of someone being killed of cavities. Losing teeth sure, but not death. At an extreme case you might lose a date or a kiss but I am pretty sure having bad breath has never killed anyone.

Is it that important to me to have clean teeth that I would risk death? I am not sure it is. Although, I do keep brushing my teeth so I guess my actions speak louder than my words huh.

How vein am I? Using that death Gel to get rid of bad breath all the while killing my self slowly over time. Maybe I should take up smoking while I am at it. That way I at least will have a cool rebel look until it over takes my blackened lungs and drives me to my death. My tooth brush just doesn't have that same effect. Don't get me wrong. It is still killing me. However, when I go stand out side with all the cool smokers with my brush hanging from my mouth people begin to take those long side ways steps away from me. It may be because I smell of mint flavored death gel and have a foam around my mouth like a ravaged dog. Who knows? In any case it is much cooler to die of Lung Cancer wheezing and hacking up flem then it is to die with minty fresh breath and a nice smile. Go figure.

Thanksgiving all year round!! (yes I know it is July)

2004-07-06T10:57:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving. Also known as Turkey day. The day we gather with our loved ones and eat the flesh of Turkeys. It is a great day. That is except that whole family thing. Spending too much time with your family can cause you to get an eating disorder. The disorder I am talking about here is to keep stuffing your face because you are first bored out of your mind and second just so you won't have to sit and talk to them about politics and fun stuff like that.

Anyway, I digress. My original thought on this was that at my house Turkey day is everyday.

Me and my wife have started trying to eat more healthy. In order to do this we have started replacing other animal flesh products with Turkey flesh products. Apparently turkey is both low in fat and carbs and is just plain better for you then most meats. Plus Turkeys are so dumb and ugly you don't feel bad for killing them. In our case I guess it is having them killed. So that said, we have turkey sandwiches, turkey pepperoni pizza, Turkey bacon, turkey sausage, turkey... Am I starting to sound like that shrimp guy from Forest Gump yet?

I eat turkey and I like it. However, It is beginning to fill like thanksgiving all year round at our house. Sitting at home with my loved ones, my wife and my English speaking dog Blu, and eating Turkey while watching anything that comes on TV. I guess that is good as long as we are not stuffing our faces to avoid each other. Although talking to my dog is like talking to a wall. All he cares about is himself. He is selfish that way. I guess my point is avoiding talking to your spouse shouldn't happen in a marriage until you have been married at least 10 years. At that point you run out of stuff to talk about and it is ok to get fat and eat to stay awake. You have nothing left to live for. I kid, I kid...

Ok, that is really all I have to say about Turkey. You should try it. It is good stuff. Much better than chicken or veggies and that sort of thing. Also don't be fooled by topherky. Not real turkey and not real good!

GO TURKEY>

Being a non-practicing vegan...

2004-06-28T13:29:00.000-05:00

I am an animal Lover. I love them in all shapes and sizes. That is except snakes and spiders and other creepy crawly things. Ok, maybe I should say I like mammals. they are nice fuzzy things with four limbs. Oops, That is excluding the whale, but I like those so we can stick with the mammal thing anyway. I love them in all forms. From Pets and farm animals, monkeys in the zoo, to beef and pork, animals are cool by me. That is why I must say that although I would like to treat animals better I can't do so. I will always be a non-practicing Vegan.

There are many things that compel me to be vegan (which by the way is not pronounced like the vegetable, just so you know). One of those things is just watching meat fry up in a pan. That is pretty gross in itself. Watching as the grease pours out of it along with the blood and it begins to cook in its own bodly fluids, yummy. Also going to BBQ restaurant and seeing how the bones are laying around and just watching all the fat, fat, fatty's eat the flesh off the bones like big hungry tigers. It is kind of nasty and primal thing to do. Another thing is seeing how animals are treated in their concentration camps, I mean, farms and travel trailers. They are shoved in a cage filled with their food (hay) and poop right next to one another. They then lay on the food and poop and still they have to eat it. Of course they do that in the wild as well. However, animals really get the rough end of the stick most of the time. I mean that literally. I had a friend that told me about how he used to swing over a pig pin on a rope and beat the pigs with a bat. He really hated them and said they were vicious animals. Now, I don't know much about pigs but I have never known one to pick up a bat and beat me with it(who is the vicious one here). So, as I said, I do agree with them vegan types that animals are mistreated and it is not that cool of us to breed them to eat (bad us... bad, bad, bad.). But what else are we to do eat SOY. Umm, I'll pass thanks.

There are to many major draw backs to being a vegan. All of which keep me from being one. Being a vegan is tough life style to choose (much like being gay or being a Christian, but that is a different discussion that I have beat like a dead horse... see a good vegan would have never said that). Being a vegan is like being on a diet except you can't eat things for moral reasons. So basically it is like a Jewish diet except no meat is Kosher at all. You can't even wear things made of Cow parts, or any animal for that matter. Not even feathers. They are all off limits. So being an Indian vegan is out. It's kind of a restricting life style if you ask me.

On top of that you can't just half be a vegan. You can't just not eat meat and go on your marry way. You have to be militant and try and convince others that you are right about this.(hey, this is starting to sound just like Christianity. Which is another thing I am not that good at). Letting others eat meat around you with out giving them a hard time or getting squeamish is as bad as a Christian walking by an abortion clinic and not throwing a few slangs at it. (That reminds me. Where do they get their blood they throw at peoples fur coats. I am guessing a real animal lover would not buy it from someone. you know, it is probably human blood. that is the only one that they would be ok with buying I am sure. That's the ticket.) As I said it is a tough life style that takes a lot of commitment and dedication. I have neither of these things. So that counts me out of being a crazy vegan.

So, here are a few of the many reasons I am not a practicing vegan even though I believe they are right and if they had a church I would go on holidays and stuff like that.

1) I am on the Atkins diet. This is hard to do as a vegan. Probably not impossible, but if I wanted to work hard at a diet I wouldn't have chosen the atkins diet.

2) I hate vegetables. I hate the taste, texture and just their overall look. Besides the fact that they all have names like cabbage, pickle, sauerkraut, things like that. If they named it something like Hot Dog maybe we could talk. It's all a matter of marketing. Anyway, you get the point veggies suck!

3) MOBY. Look at him and anyone else who is a vegan. They are too thin and sickly looking. Not to mention most of the men lose their hair. (Ok, they may just shave their heads, but it seems a little freaky and cult like if you ask me.)

4) Lack of conviction. I just can't commit to it and take myself seriously. Just what the world needs is a 200 pound vegan with hair.

5) Did I mention that I hate vegetables. They just aren't good. We all know this is true. They are not natures best offering. That would be why God left us cows and pigs.

Ok, that is all I have to say about my non-practicing life style. I want to say that if you are a vegan and this does offend you than go eat a burger and talk to me in the morning. Once you go meat you never go back (hey that could apply to more than just vegans.)

Ok I am done.

So, let me know why you are not a vegan.

Why I would rather die than populate the earth with Paris Hilton.

2004-06-25T13:12:00.000-05:00

OK, I had the opportunity to watch an episode of the "simple life" with Paris Hilton and the other short blond chic. I think these are the two most unattractive women I have ever seen in my life time (all 27 years). Don't get me wrong. Paris Seems good on paper. A tall, rail thin, long legged blond that seems to be fairly easy. Sounds like a dream, right? WRONG! She might be if she was both mute and deaf. Watching this episode gave me a glimpse of the kind of girl she is and I must say that I was in shock. What kind of people actually act like this? Rich chicks I guess.

To start these girls had spent all their alloted money so they went to a McDonald's ordered food that they didn't have money for then when confronted on it they hit up some poor college guys for money. The obviously horny and dazed guys gave them 11 bucks. They then proceeded to go to "work" at the hotel they been asigned to work at and complained the whole time. That was after showing up late. They didn't pay attention to their boss, let alone learn his name. They even went through people's stuff in the rooms and bought food on their account. On top of that they called up another maid that didn't know they were working there and had her clean the room they were suppose to clean. Oh, as you probably guessed, they then took credit for the room being done and got there money for the job.

All I know is if I was stuck on this planet with Paris Hilton and we were the last two people alive our species would die. I would rather see those d*** dirty apes rule this world then fill it full of freakishly skinny dumb blonds that would treat everyone badly.

Sure, my genes would die there as well. That would be a negetive for us all. The world would miss out on a generation of little eddies. I am willing to make the sacrifice To keep evil out of our world.

Ugly is not skin deep. Ugly is Paris Hilton.

I don't curse, does that make me a bad Christian?

2004-06-22T13:14:00.000-05:00

I am what people might call a moderate. What does that mean? Not sure, but I think it is the political equivalent to being apathetic. Which makes sense to me because that is my spiritual gift from God (I have the test to prove it!). Basically it means I really have very few strong opinions on anything that matters. I am not big fan of people with extreme views in either direction. Right, Left, up, down, donkey, elephant, tree huggers, gays, straights, they are all the same to me. They think too much about stuff that is better left alone.

This brings me to my point.

I think it is funny that all these people on both ends of the spectrum can't see how similar they are to each other. For example the gay people are so close to being Christian that it isn't even funny. Think about it. They both don't want to hide under a bushel, they are both paranoid of being hated, and they both think that the other is stupid. Oh, and they both are right!

When it comes to most things I would rather make fun of it then try and develop an opinion on it. Take my Christianity for example. I am very serious about it for the most part; however there are things that aren't that important to me that people think is odd, like cussing, drinking, smoking, whether or not there is a hell or not. Things like that. Things that do not matter in the long run. Why worry or fight about them. If they don't affect the way I live my life for God I try and not worry about them.

I hang out with people that lean both toward the conservative and liberal ways of thinking. They both think I am strange, and they are probably right.

On the conservative side they just try and convince me that the bible is perfect. Don't get me wrong I believe the bible is incoherent, I mean inerrant... Huh?... Ok, let's not go down that road... Let's just say I think it is a good book. That is what my Grandma calls it after all, "the good book". OK' let's do go down that road. Why do we call it the Good book? Sure it is a worldwide bestseller and all but it lacks punch. Sure it tells a lot of stuff about God, but have you tried to read straight through it. Trust me once it gets to the parts about sacrificing cows and goats, that stuff you will start skipping around.

OK, moving on!

Now, on the one side they believe in following the rules. So I bug them because I am not into a lot of the added commandments. You know like though shall not make fun of Christians and that kind of thing. On the other end there is the "Grace is sufficient" crowd. They think it is weird that I do follow the rules so much. I actually had a guy tell me I was an elitist because I didn't curse. That cracked me up. First, the fact that he would call me that makes him one and two what the freak does that mean.

His thought was that I thought I was to good for it. My thought is that he is a retard and shoot shot himself in the head. Maybe the lead will make his brain start working!

Ok, here is my final thought on this. I think it is funny that we can't except grace without going off the deep end. Pushing the boundaries and testing God, or maybe just testing to test. Why is it that all the people that start to lean toward more liberal thinking start to act that way? You never see more liberal people with out the actions that make them disliked by the conservatives. The smoking, the drinking, all that stuff makes them feel different then they were when they were conservative. So it makes them fill free of the conservative bondage.

The conservatives are the same way. Their actions make them feel better about their beliefs. They are different from the world. They are set a part.

The liberals are trying to be in the world as much they can without making God angry enough to smite them. Come on, we all know this is true. How many times can I get away with it before God takes notice. Ok, maybe some of them are just trying to annoy other Christians (which I am all for).

So, as I said, they are all the same. Strong opinions and actions all in order to make them feel different from who they were before. It is just funny to me. It is kind of like Gay people thinking they have to be flamboyant. Like they can't really be gay without talking with a lisp. Like they can't just be normal people that happen to be homosexual.

Now here is my problem in all this mess. Should I change my theology to fit with the conservatives or change my actions to fit in with the liberals? Maybe I should just be me and not care what they think... Huh... and people wonder why I am apathetic.

To cool for school, or my high school reunion anyway...

2004-06-20T22:48:00.000-05:00

My High school reunion was this weekend. I thought about going because it might be fun to see how fat all the hot chicks have gotten in the last ten years. I also wanted to see how much everyone's lives suck, even though they would be trying to pretend they were "doing great". (side note: when you ask someone how things have been and they say "great" it really means none of your business/I don't think you care enough to tell you the truth.)

My school was known for its sluts and jocks, bad ones that is. We sucked at everything. Everything but getting our girls knocked up. I am not making this stuff up people. Farm boys Apparentlly have good swimmers and safe sex is not a thing they do very well. I kid you not, I walked by a row of preg-o chics in a line marching to class on more than one occasion. It was like an army of marching single moms (Refer back to my story about taking over the world...GO CLASS OF 94!!!). Anyway, for a young man, it was a sight to behold. Also, it was a bit disturbing.

I think it would be interesting to see what happened to these people. Are they today's teachers, accountants, and lawyers? OK, who am I kidding, the only reason I would have went is the same reason anyone goes to a high school reunions. To show off.

You know this is true. Only the people who have good lives go back to these things. Who in their right mind is going to go back to let people know that they have destroyed their lives. Answer...NOBODY. We all go to pretend other wise. To give a big fake "doing great" to our old friends. So it would be really ineffective for me to go and try and brag about my life. Sure I am in a band and could play that for all it is worth. These people would never know that I am a horribly poor man that lives off his wife. That I am basically the child we will never have( see my thoughts on child birth for more details). I am basically a drain on society at this point, but all they would hear is "ROCK STAR". See I have a better line than most of the poor chumbs at these things. I fill for the people who make up stuff about being happy teaching kids and that kind of junk. I have one friend who flew in from LA to come to the reunion. Why you ask. He works for the FBI. So what if he just does paper work, FBI sounds cool to the chics.

We all do this. This is what life is about. Looking like we have our stuff together. We all want other people to think we have a great life. We want to be the envy of our friends. To bad we can't fool ourselves, right? Well maybe we can.

I think we can fool ourselves. I think happy is a state of mind. It isn't always about doing what we love, following our hearts, and not caring what others think. We need to learn to enjoy life for what it is. Wether that is what we want it to be or not. Life is about living, not living for the something to come.

Believe me, it doesn't matter if you are doing what you love or not, life will suck sometimes. However, I find from experince, that doing something you hate to have the money to make other people jealous leads you no where. Doing what you love leads to you to true joy. I also think life is about grabbing as much of that joy as you can get and bringing joy to others along the way (ok, maybe God says the reverse but you get the point).

I will leave it at that. I could talk about joy and what it really means, and how being happy in the tough times, and blah blah blah... but it doesn't matter. Just enjoy your life. Make the decsion and do it.

Life is what it is. Either you enjoy it, or you don't. It is up to you.

P.S. I didn't go to my reunion because it cost 50 bucks a person. Who wants to spend 50 bucks to eat dinner with people you haven't seen in ten years NEWS FLASH... If I haven't talked to you in ten years then I more than likely don't care to spend time with you.

PEACE

Saved! The movie and the actual salvation.

2004-06-14T21:12:00.000-05:00

I just watched the Movie "Saved!". It was an OK flick. Who am I kidding here. It really wasn't that great of a movie. I have mostly the same complaint about it as I Did of Mel Gibson's "massacre of Christ". Ok, there were no slow motion falls or evil midget babies, although the plot could have used some. It was the fact that the actors did a horrible job faking being Christians. I guess Mel did take it one step further by doing a horrible job portraying Christ himself, but this was very close to that.

They took it tad to far on the ridiculous side and you really didn't get to care much for the Characters. There was no conviction to their statements or actions. It started out like "American Pie goes to church camp" and then attempted to become a running comentary on Christianty and faith in general. I think it missed the point. You see, the best thing about the kind numb skull Christians these actors were portraying is the fact that they believe it with all they are, whole heartedly. If they beleive God told the mto break one of the Ten commandments (really what are the odds)then they are really sold on it. That is what makes them so funny. I know a lot of these people. They are great entertainment. A reality show would do wonders for this topic. Nothing is better than the Truth, and I am not talking about the bible here folks.

Don't get me wrong, the movie did have some funny parts. There were the Promise makers shirts. Heck (no swearing here), There was even the classic charismatic praise band and the over the top youth pastor guy. These things even were not as well done as in other things I have seen (example: south park's spoof of Christian music). I think Mr. REM should have decided whether he wanted to make a funny stupid teen movie, which would have been great, or make a movie about people who are religiously jacked up and trying to come to terms with their faith. As it is, it is really hard for me to take this stuff as anything to serious. For pete sake, a girl gets knocked up by her gay "ice skating for Jesus" boy friend (not named pete by the way). It would have been one thing if he was playing her and trying to get her in bed but this Kid was actually gay and didn't want to have sex with her. (see this does sound like American pie) Anyway, it was just not witty enough for me. If your going to make a comedy about Christians talk to Mel Gibson. This guy has it down. That whole baby midget thing still makes laugh every time I think about it.

Oh, there was another part that I personally thought was funny that most of you will not. It is a quick line that will make no sense if you don't know the back story. However, it's the part in the movie with the most whit about it. It was the line after the Jewish chic has her fake conversion experience to distract the main Christian girl from a boy so that another Chic can have a word with him (that is a lot of words. Hope you not lost). After that scene the Jewish chic meets up with her friend (see this starting to sound like a joke already. Funny how the word Jewish can do that.). Her friend says, "so how did the salvation go" the girl replies "oh my God, she made me listen to an entire Elms CD on her I-POD"

Now to the common man that was not even funny. Here is the back story. I hung out with The Elms during the time this movie was being shot and they were asked to play the part of the Christian band in the movie. They declined for obvious reasons (you'll realize what I mean after you see the movie). So it was a jab at them for not doing it. I thought it was great. However, much like when I saw the midget baby for the first time in "the Jesus death trap", I was the only one laughing in the theater. It was great part...

Ok enough on that. You need to see the movie just to know what it is about and have an opinion on it. Kind of like the election but it is actually important.

I leave you with this. The word Saved, what does it mean and should we really use that as the definition of what the difference between a Christian and non-Christian is? Should there not be more to it? That is not the best word to describe my Christianity, I will tell you that. The best for me is "Struggle". You know, fight the good fight. We could say "I've been brought into the struggle". Has a nice ring... Ah, but it's not very marketable is it.

I leave you with that.

P.S. If anyone dare posts that they know someone that got pregnant trying to "save" their gay boy friend I will hunt you down and shoot you. Ok, maybe I will just make fun of you and the people you hangout with. What else is new though.

enough. I am done.

WAL-MART, rednecks, and old people pants

2004-06-04T00:29:00.000-05:00

Have you ever walked through the clothes section at WAL-MART and really took the time to look and see what they have to offer? WOW, it is no wonder that America dresses so badly. WAL-MART is like a red neck haven for official red neck wear. There are NASCAR clothes, sports team clothes(oh yes, if you are white and wear sports team clothes you are a dirty stinky red neck... do not deny it), and even old man clothes. There isn't anything worth wearing in the whole store. WAL-MART is single handedly set up to sell to those country poor kids from rural America and there grandparents. You know the ones I am talking about here. The ones that want to dress hip like the people on MTV but live in towns with a population of 20 and have no idea that stores other than WAL-MART are real outside of movies and fairy tales. The ones that call going to the next big town, population 100, "the city". That is the place they can find their beloved WAL-MART and buy their "red neck MTV wanabee clothes". So they can dress like Eminem and puffy do on TV. So they can endorse their favorite race car driver. That sort of thing. It is not there fault. They don't have anything to measure it to. They don't know that These clothes are not cool. Everyone they know, all 20 of them, shop at the same place. WAL-MART!!!!

I actually noticed that WAL-MART sells those old people shirts as well. I always wondered where those crazy old guys got those shirts. You know the ones I am talking about. The ones with the elastic on the bottom of them that are made of some weird blend of fabric that doesn't come from nature and are only available in colors that are washed down versions of the original so as not to shock their old men friends into cardiac arrest. This is where these people have been getting these clothes from. This is where 90% of the bad "red neck" fashions of the world come from. The other 10% comes from stores like the Gadzooks, hot topic, and all those little teeny-bop places that sell shirts with catchy slogans on them that should rather be on bumper stickers (for example: coed naked anything, ETC...)

WAL-MART is a fashion boutique of a different kind. Just like their counterparts in NEW York they no their crowd and the proudly sell them what they think is cool. I guess the only real difference is that people in New York are dumb enough to pay for over priced clothes to be trendy while red necks keep their bill under a hundred bucks a go round.

Ok, that is all for today. I really just wanted to get something up. Because I had been gone so long. Thanks to everyone who replied to my last post. It helps to know I can still get people fired up on occasion.

PEACE.

P.S. THIS IS MY UNITED STATES OF WHATEVER... DO DO KAH DOO DO DO KAH.

ORPHANS and widows, or selfish people give birth...

2004-06-02T13:11:00.000-05:00

I am a Christian. Some of you may doubt this by reading my posts, but it is true. I love Jesus. As a follower of Christ I find myself more and more dumb founded at my own short comings and those of my fellow church people and Jesus followers. Now, since it is not funny to talk bad about my own faults I will follow in the grand church tradition of talking about other peoples faults. However, I will stray from tradition in that I will not be picking a certain person I know and talking about them behind there back. I am simply going to talk about the church behind it's back. Not that I particularly care about the church and it's feelings. It is more like being the bully and the church being that stupid little snot nosed kid that is easy to make fun of because it can't fight back. So anyway, here are my thoughts on "the bride of Christ" and how she treats her step children.

As a side note: it is funny that we call ourselves the bride of Christ yet our churches have big foulic (that means penis shaped... i am not sure if I spelled that right and doing this also allowed me to type the word penis a couple of times.) shaped steeples attached to them. Kind of interesting.

Ok, to start off I must say that being a married person I get asked if I am going to have children quite frequently. I get asked by old people, by young people, and by just about anyone who finds out how long I have been married (almost 8 years if you are wondering). Anyway, my response usually varies but usually has something to do with the fact that I would as soon run a child over with my car then to give birth to one and take care of it for the rest of its life, or mine. Now, before you write me off as an evil child hater understand this. To me bringing a child into a world full of violence hate and pain is a lot worse than say taking them out of it. Not that I would ever really run a kid over with my car. I would use something bigger... I kid, I kid...

My point is bringing a child into this world is an act of selfishness. What reasons do we have to bring a child into the world. If you can name one that is not selfish I will give you a shiney Gold dollar. Better yet if you can I will run out and start making babies. Anyway, there is no good unselfish reason short of the hand of God to bring a kid into this world. We already have enough to take care of as it is.

Now, that leads me to this. ADOPTION. In today's world that is the godly way to have kids. We often forget that God commanded us to take care of the widow and the orphans. Instead of offering our home to a child that might need love we selfishly go out and get ourselves all knocked up. We spend tons of money harvesting eggs putting them in tubes. Taking sperm and freezing it and then shoving them all together in a "test tube" to make a child. We cry and cry about how God should bless us with a child and all along we only have to pick up the phone and call a local adoption agency. Why else other than pure pride and selfishness would we want to have our own spanking new child instead of going for the slightly used version at the adoption place. It doesn't make since to me.

Now here is a challenge, Name a non-selfish reason not to adopt a child so that you can have your own... You can't do it. What better gift do we have to give to God than to take care of his children. the ansewer in Spinal Tap lingo is "none more better". (If you haven't seen Spinal Tap you shouldn't even be thinking of bringing life into the world)

To end this I would like to say that I know it is easy for me to say all of this because I don't like kids and will probably never have one unless God forces me to do so. However, if I one day change my mind and decide to have kids(and this could only happen by the power of God). I will definitely adopt.

On top of all that god stuff most chics that have kids cease to be cool. They start to have old women hair cuts and just lose all sense of fashion. So, if you want to keep your wife cool and still have kids adoption is also a double bonus option. Ok, I am going to stop talking about this now. I could go on for days.

The Irish patriot...

2004-05-28T13:09:00.000-05:00

I found this online. Very good words... For an Irish rock star. Especially the part about America. It will make you actually want to be a patriot. If this doesn't make you want to make a difference in the world I am afraid you are a lost cause. It is rather long and seems like rambling sometime because it wasn't meant to be written but it is well worth the read.

ENJOY.

BONO'S COMMENCMENT SPEECH

My name is Bono and I am a rock star. Don't get me too excited because I use four letter words when I get excited and I'm that guy. I'd just like to say to the parents, your children are safe, your country is safe, the FCC has taught me a lesson and the only four letter word I'm going to use today is PENN. Come to think of it Bono is a four-letter word. The whole business of obscenity. I don't think there's anything certainly more unseemly than the sight of a rock star in academic robes. It's a bit like when people put their King Charles spaniels in little tartan sweats and hats. It's not natural, and it doesn't make the dog any smarter.

It's true we were here before with U2 and I would like to thank them for giving me a great life, as well as you. I've got a great rock and roll band that normally stand in the back when I'm talking to thousands of people in a football stadium and they were here with me, I think it was seven years ago. Actually then I was with some other sartorial problems. I was wearing a mirror ball suit at the time and I emerged from a forty-foot high revolving lemon. It was sort of a cross between a space ship, a disco and a plastic fruit. I guess it was at that point when your Trustees decided to give me their highest honor. Doctor of Laws, wow! I know it's an honor, and it really is an honor, but are you sure? Doctor of Law, all I can think about is the laws I've broken. Laws of nature, laws of physics, laws of the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and on a memorable night in the late 70s, I think it was Newton's law of motion sickness. No, it's true, my resume reads like a rap sheet. I have to come clean; I've broken a lot of laws, and the ones I haven't I've certainly thought about. I have sinned in thought, word, and deed and God forgive me, actually God forgave me, but why would you? I'm here getting a doctorate, getting respectable, getting in the good graces of the powers that be. I hope it sends you students a powerful message: Crime does pay.

So I humbly accept the honor, keeping in mind the words of a British playwright, John Mortimer it was: No brilliance is needed in the law, nothing but common sense and relatively clean fingernails. Well at best I've got one of the two of those. But no, I never went to college, I've slept in some strange places, but the library wasn't one of them. I studied rock and roll and I grew up in Dublin in the70s; music was an alarm bell for me, it woke me up to the world. I was 17 when I first saw The Clash, and it just sounded like revolution. The Clash were like: This is a public service announcement with guitars. I was the kid in the crowd who took it at face value. Later I learned that a lot of the rebels were in it for the t-shirt. They'd wear the boots but they wouldn't march. They'd smash bottles on their heads, but they wouldn't go to something more painful like a town hall meeting.

By the way, I felt like that myself until recently. I didn't expect change to come so slow. So agonizingly slow. I didn't realize that the biggest obstacle to political and social progress wasn't the Free Masons, or the Establishment, or the boot heel of whatever you consider the man to be, it was something much subtle. As the provost just referred to, a combination of our own indifference and the Kafkaesque labyrinth of (nos) you encounter as people vanish down the corridors of bureaucracy. So for better or worse that was my education. I came away with a clear sense of the difference music could make in my own life, in other peoples lives if I did my job right. Which if you're a singer in a rock band, means avoiding the obvious pitfalls like say a mullet hairdo. If anyone here doesn't know what a mullet is by the way, your education's certainly not complete, I'd ask for your money back. For a lead singer like me, a mullet is, I would suggest, arguably more dangerous than a drug problem. Yes, I had a mullet in the 80s. Now this is the point where the members of the faculty start smiling uncomfortably and thinking maybe they should have offered me the honorary bachelors degree instead of the full blown, (he should have been the bachelor's one, he's talking about mullets and stuff) and if they're asking what on earth I'm doing here, I think it's a fair question: What am I doing here? More to the point: what are you doing here? Because if you don't mind me saying so, this is a strange ending to an Ivy League education. Four years in these historic halls thinking great thoughts, and now you're sitting in a stadium better suited for football, listening to an Irish rock star give a speech that is so far mostly about himself. What are you doing here?

Actually I saw something in the paper last week about Kermit the Frog giving a commencement address somewhere. One of the students was complaining, I worked my a** off for four years to be addressed by a sock? You have worked your a** off for this. For four years you've been buying, trading, and selling everything you've got in this marketplace of ideas. The intellectual hustle. Your pockets are full, even if your parents are empty, and now you,ve got to figure out what to spend it on. Well, the going rate for change is not cheap. Big ideas are expensive. The University has had its share of big ideas. Benjamin Franklin had a few, so did Justice Brennen and in my opinion so does Judith Rodin. What a gorgeous girl. They all knew that if you,re gonna be good at your word, if you,re gonna live up to your ideals and your education, its gonna cost you. So my question I suppose is: What,s the big idea? What,s your big idea? What are you willing to spend your moral capital, your intellectual capital, your cash, your sweat equity in pursuing outside of the walls of the University of Pennsylvania?

There's a truly great Irish poet, his name is Brendan Kennelly, and he has this epic poem called the Book of Judas, and there's a line in that poem that never leaves my mind. It says: If you want to serve the age, betray it. What does that mean to betray the age? Well to me, betraying the age means exposing its conceits, it's foibles; it's phony moral certitudes. It means telling the secrets of the age and facing harsher truths. Every age has its massive moral blind spots. We might not see them, but our children will. Slavery was one of them and the people who best served that age were the ones who called it as it was, which was ungodly and inhuman. Ben Franklin called it when he became president of the Pennsylvania Abolition Society.

Segregation. There was another one. America sees this now but it took a civil rights movement to betray their age. And 50 years ago the U.S. Supreme Court betrayed the age. May 17, 1954, Brown vs. Board of Education came down and put the lie to the idea that separate can ever really be equal. Amen to that. Fast forward 50 years, May 17, 2004, what are the ideas right now worth betraying? What are the lies we tell ourselves now? What are the blind spots of our age? What,s worth spending your post-Penn lives trying to do or undo? It might be something simple. It might be something as simple as our deep down refusal to believe that every human life has equal worth. Could that be it? Could that be it?

Each of you will probably have your own answer, but for me that is it. And for me the proving ground has been Africa. Africa makes a mockery of what we say, at least what I say, about equality and questions our pieties and our commitments because there's no way to look at what's happening over there and it's effect on all of us and conclude that we actually consider Africans as our equal before God. There is no chance.

An amazing event happened here in Philadelphia in 1985, Live Aid, that whole We Are The World phenomenon; the concert that happened here. Well after that concert I went to Ethiopia with my wife, Ali. We were there for a month and an extraordinary thing happened to me. We used to wake up in the morning and the mist would be lifting; we'd see thousands and thousands of people who'd been walking all night to our food station where we were working. One man, I was standing outside talking to the translator, had this beautiful boy and he was saying to me in Amharic, I think it was, I said I can,t understand what he,s saying, and this nurse who spoke English and Amharic said to me, he,s saying will you take his son. He,s saying please take his son, he would be a great son for you. I was looking puzzled and he said, You must take my son because if you don,t take my son, my son will surely die. If you take him he will go back to where he is and get an education. Probably like the ones we're talking about today. I had to say no, that was the rules there and I walked away from that man, I,ve never really walked away from it. But I think about that boy and that man and that,s when I started this journey that,s brought me here into this stadium. Because at that moment I became the worst scourge on God,s green earth, a rock star with a cause. Except it isn,t the cause. Seven thousand Africans dying every day of preventable, treatable disease, like AIDS? That's not a cause. That's an emergency. And when the disease gets out of control because most of the population live on less than one dollar a day? That,s not a cause. That,s an emergency. And when resentment builds because of unfair trade rules and the burden of unfair debt, that are debts by the way that keep Africans poor. That,s not a cause. That's an emergency.

So, We Are The World, Live Aid, Start Me Off, it was an extraordinary thing and really that event was about charity. But 20 years on I'm not that interested in charity. I'm interested in justice. There's a difference. Africa needs justice as much as it needs charity. Equality for Africa is a big idea. It,s a big expensive idea. I see the Wharton graduates now getting out the math on the back of their programs, numbers are intimidating aren't they, but not to you! But the scale of the suffering and the scope of the commitment they often numb us into a kind of indifference. Wishing for the end to AIDS and extreme poverty in Africa is like wishing that gravity didn't make things so d--- heavy. We can wish it, but what the hell can we do about it? Well, more than we think. We can,t fix every problem, corruption, natural calamities are part of the picture here, but the ones we can we must. The debt burden, as I say, unfair trade, as I say, sharing our knowledge, the intellectual copyright for lifesaving drugs in a crisis, we can do that. And because we can, we must. Because we can, we must. Amen.

This is the straight truth, the righteous truth. It's not a theory, it's a fact. The fact is that this generation, yours, my generation, that can look at the poverty, we're the first generation that can look at poverty and disease, look across the ocean to Africa and say with a straight face, we can be the first to end this sort of stupid extreme poverty, where in the world of plenty a child can die for lack of food in it's belly. We can be the first generation. It might take a while, but we can be that generation that says no to stupid poverty. It's a fact, the economists confirm it. It,s an expensive fact, but cheaper than say the Marshall Plan that saved Europe from communism and fascism. And cheaper I would argue than fighting wave after wave of terrorism's new recruits. That,s the economics department over there, very good. It's a fact. So why aren't we pumping our fists in the air and cheering about it? Well probably because when we admit we can do something about it, we've got to do something about it. For the first time in history we have the know how, we have the cash, we have the lifesaving drugs, but do we have the will?

Yesterday, here in Philadelphia, at the Liberty Bell, I met a lot of Americans who do have the will. From arch religious conservatives to young secular radicals, I just felt an incredible over powering sense that this was possible. We're calling it the ONE campaign, to put an end to AIDS and extreme poverty in Africa. They believe we can do it, so do I. I really, really do believe it. I just want you to know, I think this is obvious, but I,m not really going in for the warm fuzzy feeling thing; I,m not a hippy, I do not have flowers in my hair, I come from punk rock, all right. The Clash wore army boots not Birkenstocks. I believe America can do this! I believe that this generation can do this. In fact I want to hear an argument about why we shouldn,t.

I know idealism is not playing on the radio right now, you don't see it on TV, irony is on heavy rotation, the knowingness, the smirk, the tired joke. I've tried them all out but I'll tell you this, outside this campus, and even inside it, idealism is under siege beset by materialism, narcissism and all the other isms of indifference. Baggism, Shaggism. Raggism. Notism, graduationism, chismism; I don't know. Where's John Lennon when you need him. But I don't want to make you cop to idealism, not in front of your parents, or your younger siblings. But what about Americanism? Will you cop to that at least? It's not everywhere in fashion these days, Americanism. Not very big in Europe, truth be told. No less on Ivy League college campuses. But it all depends on your definition of Americanism. Me, I'm in love with this country called America. I'm a huge fan of America, I'm one of those annoying fans, you know the ones that read the CD notes and follow you into bathrooms and ask you all kinds of annoying questions about why you didn't live up to that, I'm that kind of fan.

I read the Declaration of Independence and I,ve read the Constitution of the United States, and they are some liner notes, dude. As I said yesterday I made my pilgrimage to Independence Hall, and I love America because America is not just a country, it's an idea. You see my country, Ireland, is a great country, but it's not an idea. America is an idea, but it's an idea that brings with it some baggage, like power brings responsibility. It's an idea that brings with it equality, but equality even though it's the highest calling, is the hardest to reach. The idea that anything is possible, that's one of the reasons why I'm a fan of America. It's like hey, look there's the moon up there, let's take a walk on it; bring back a piece of it. That's the kind of America that I'm a fan of.

In 1771, your founder, Mr. Franklin, spent three months in Ireland and Scotland to look at the relationship they had with England to see if this could be a model for America, whether America should follow their example and remain a part of the British Empire. Franklin was deeply, deeply distressed by what he saw. In Ireland, he saw how England had put a stranglehold on Irish trade, how absentee English landlords exploited Irish tenant farmers and how those farmers in Franklin's words, lived in retched hovels of mud and straw, were clothed in rags and subsisted chiefly on potatoes. Not exactly the American dream. So instead of Ireland becoming a model for America, America became a model for Ireland in our own struggle for independence. When the potatoes ran out, millions of Irish men, women and children packed their bags got on a boat and showed up right here. And we're still doing it. We're not even starving anymore, loads of potatoes. In fact if there's any Irish out there, I've breaking news from Dublin: the potato famine is over; you can come home now. But why are we still showing up? Because we love the idea of America. We love the crackle and the hustle, we love the spirit that gives a finger to fate, the spirit that says there's no hurdle we can't clear and no problem we can't fix. [Sound of helicopter] Oh, here comes the Brits, only joking. No problem we can't fix.

So what's the problem that we want to apply all this energy and intellect to? Every era has its defining struggle and the fate of Africa is one of ours. It,s not the only one, but in the history books it's easily going to make the top five; what we did or what we did not do. It's a proving ground, as I said earlier, for the idea of equality. But whether it's this or something else, I hope you'll pick a fight and get in it. Get your boots dirty, get rough, steel your courage with a final drink there at Smoky Joe's, one last primal scream and go. Sing the melody line you hear in your own head, remember, you don't owe anybody any explanations. You don't owe your parents any explanations; you don't owe your professors any explanations.

You know I used to think the future was solid or fixed, something you inherited like an old building that you move into when the previous generation moves out or gets chased out. But it's not. The future is not fixed; it's fluid. You can build your own building, or hut or condo, whatever; this is the metaphor part of the speech by the way. But my point is that the world is more malleable than you think and it's waiting for you to hammer it into shape. Now if I were a folksinger, I'd immediately launch into, If I Had a Hammer right now, get you all singing and swaying. But as I say, I come from punk rock, so I'd rather have the bloody hammer right here in my fist. That's what this degree of yours is, a blunt instrument. So go forth and build something with it. Remember what John Adams said about Ben Franklin, He does not hesitate at our boldest measures but rather seems too think us to irresolute. Well this is the time for bold measures and this is the country and you are the generation.

Thank you.

The Metrosexual, the Gay straight Guy...

2004-05-26T22:24:00.000-05:00

I am tired of hearing about metrosexuals and how it is hip to be gay with out the butt sex. If I see one more story about men shaving their pubic hair or plucking their eye brows I am going to throw up! Come on guys! What separates us from chics is that we have enough common sense not to worry about that stuff. Now is not the time to give in to their wants . If you do they will soon have you doing everything in the house. From cleaning the toilet to fluffing the pillows and dusting the top shelves.

As it stands now girls sit around and talk about our disgusting habits and how we don't think to clean up after ourselves and in the back of their minds there is something cute about it. It "bothers them", but deep down they love it. You see,if we give into the gay way we are only hurting ourselves. Don't let the "fab 5" turn us in to chics. It is time to make a stand and not groom ourselves. The ladies will complain to our face but behind closed doors it drives them wild and they love us for it. Girls don't want to date a guy that looks better than them. They want all attention for themselves. Don't believe me. Than explain the "tube top". If that isn't a cry for attention I don't know what is. On top of that how many times do see and ugly man with a really hot chic. You know I am telling the truth.

Anyway, being a metrosexual is not good for mankind. It is hurting us all. If we keep this up our sons will be looking in magazines and start saying things like "I don't look like that guy so I am ugly", "If I don't have that pink shirt I will not be sexy". They will start looking in the mirror and asking their spouse "Do these jeans make me look fat". We do not want this to happen America. It is time for us men to stop turning ourselves into women and start acting like the apathetic men we are.

Stand up, fart, and be a man. Eat meat and smell like sweat. It is ok. It is what we do and the women love it.

P.S. Today on American Idol The girl who lost had a whole arena of people wearing pink. Even the freaking mayor! When will the madness end!

PEACE

Christian entertainment

2004-05-21T19:49:00.001-05:00

I heard this week that someone I looked to with hope did something that I find regrettable, David Crowder a "worship leader" that I was actually beginning to like. Those of you who know me know that I hate praise bands for the most part. So me saying I had hope for him is a big deal. Anyway, I was told that he changed one of the words to one of his "worship songs" and put the words "K love" in its place to advertise for a radio station. That my friends is a step to far. That act is a prime example of how the Christian market has gone to far in promoting itself. As a worship leader one would think that you would not want to let people do that, let alone sing it in your own voice. It drives me nuts to think that we have compromised that far to sell records in the name of God.

So, today I will discuss my own hypocrisy and the hypocrisy of the Christian entertainment industry as a whole. I am just as guilty as anyone for just being apart of it and letting it go on in silence.

I am a part of this industry so I am guilty. Guilty of bending my faith and selling it like a dime bag of crack to cheap strung out whore that doesn't know any better than to buy it and smoke it to make her feel better about herself.

As a part of this industry, who prides itself in being better than its counterpart, I have come to find out that the word "Jesus" no longer means God but means money to too many of the people working in it. I continue to get inside information about bands, labels, and people that makes me sick to my stomach. I have tried to ignore it as a minority, but it is clear to me that is becoming more and more of the majority. From bands that are in it for the money while doing drugs to bands that are not even Christians being past off as something they are not. All in order for a label to sell records. What have we become that we are selling our God to the highest bid! Let's open our eyes people. Christian music is nothing better than entertainment. It is not ran, for the most part, by Christians with their hearts in the right place. It is ran by the same people that bring you Brittney and Madonna (who I might add probably have more to say to us about God then some of the people we call Christian artists) For the most part Christian music does us no more good than its mainstream counterpart. It is entertainment to make us feel better about ourselves and what we are doing. Look at an artists lyrics and you will see the same catch phrases. Look at their interviews and you will see the same answers. They are saying what you need to hear so you will buy what they are selling. I know, I have sat through the classes (and flunked them once... long story).

In my experience with this business you are asked to hide who you are to be this perfect Christian person that does not have struggles with anything. All of this in order that people will look up to and buy your record. This not the truth, and this is the problem with the whole idea of Christian entertainment. You are to try and please everyone by not being yourself. You are "never to be negative", "never to say something bad about something or someone (like I think the news boys music sucks)" and "never act as if you are tired or unhappy".

When did honesty stop being a priority in Christianity? Why do we pretend we have all the answers and always feel great? If a performer is to be honest he or she is looked down on and cast a side. To sell records you have to make the Christian public happy and to make them happy means to lie. This is not what Christianity is about at all. Making money should be the last concern on someone's mind as they tell people about God and what he lays on their hearts. I for one, have bent my faith as far as I willing to bend it. It is time for me to be honest and stop living the "happy Christian lie".

My Friends and I have made the choice to save our Christianity and try to find place it will be accepted in its honesty for what it is. We are heading away from the Christian market. We are not heading away from our Christianity, quite the opposite. We are getting away from having to be watched over to say the right(fake)things all the time. We need a place where we can be honest about God and what he has done for us. To be honest in our struggles and in our triumphs. I personally need a place where I can separate my faith from what I am selling. Sometimes I feel much like I am becoming more like those people that I see in this (Nashville) business that are just being holy to make money and sell tickets. I don't want to become that. I want to serve God and know that it is because I love him and not to pay the bills. This decision is not made lightly but in knowing that it is the only way to save ourselves and our Christianity.

My point, I guess, is that when we try and combine getting paid with serving God we always will find ourselves compromising ourselves and our Christianity to some extent. I don't feel it is possible to separate the two. This is why I must run from the Christian market in order to save my soul from its grasp. I feel it is the only way I am truly going to be able to serve him the way he called me to do.

Ok, I promise I will not be so serious next time. I just needed to vent a little.

PEACE

Question?

2004-05-19T22:17:00.000-05:00

If you had a pet monkey and spanked him would that be wrong?

Think about it... Think about it... there it is, now you get it.

To get the answer see my blog on "gay marriage, masturbation, and clone marriages"

P.S. as a side question if you were a monkey what kind would you be?

I would be a chimp.

MAKE SEX NOT WAR, OR WHY ARABS SUCK AT TAKING OVER THE WORLD

2004-05-16T22:08:00.000-05:00

Ok, someone brought to my attention today that some retard over at the Al Quida camp(how ever you spell that) said they plan on taking over three fourths of the world by some date in the future that I do not remember.

Anyway, my first thought when I heard this was: Isn't taking over the world something you do in cartoons or bad action movies. Does anyone in their right mind still think it is possible to take over the world. Have we jumped into some freaky version of an Austin Powers movie where Osama is Dr. Evil trying to get us to pay attention while he takes over three fourths of the world. Come on!

My second thought was: What kind of meeting did they have to decide on only taking over three fourths of the world. Did they get a map out and go "your suck, you suck, no you're cool, but you suck. Were they thinking three fourths was a good strong number that anyone would be proud to own. I am not sure exactly why you would stop at three fourths of the world. That is kind of like saying "you know, I hate these termites that are eating my fence so I think I will kill three fourths of them to teach the other fourth a lesson and then they will know I am a great and mighty man." How dumb do you have to be. Three fourths, who writes this stuff.

My third thought and the one bearing the title of this post is as follows: I think they are going about this all wrong. See, if you want to take over... Oh, let's say... Pick any random number... Oh, three fourths of the world, you would need people to do this right? Well these idiots are fighting by blowing themselves up. They are already out numbered 10 to 1 in this world if not by more and they are blowing themselves up on purpose. That is like those Monks that set themselves on fire to prove a point. What point are you trying to make, how fast monks can burn when you pour gas on them?

Now, if they want to go at this the right way they are going to have to stop blowing themselves up and running themselves into buildings and start having the sex, and a lot of it. Think about it. This not only is a lot more fun then blowing yourself up but slowly over time you will grow in numbers to the point of world domination. Look at China, these suckers know how to have sex. They are just doing it like rabbits over there and are spreading like wild fire. If anything they will own the world in that amount of time. There are draw backs to the have lots of sex plan. Take the rednecks for example. They got so excited to take over the world that they started mating with relatives. This is not the way to go about it. Not only did this slow them up in the taking over part, but The kids got dumber and dumber until they couldn't help but hide in the woods and vote republican. So as I said, you must be careful. However, I do think Mr. Osama would be wise to make babies and not war.

So what does this say to us? Who should we be afraid of in the future? The french? No, the answer is the Mormons. To start, they already have a whole state. They also have a nice "as many wives as you like" plan. This puts them well on their way to taking over at least three fourths of our world in no time. We also know it is in there nature to desire this. They even wrote in their bible about a good Mormon having his own planet. So if you learn anything from me and my postings it should be this:

FEAR THE MORMONS!!! Oh, and don't wear pink.